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Am I overreacting?

Sorry if this is long, it might take a lot of backstory to make sense...





In Dec of 1998 Dh and I had been dating 9 mos. He was going through what I call an 'early life crisis' (he was flunking out of college, we were engaged, he didn't know what he wanted to be when he grew up, etc...) and consequently we broke up for one week. During that one week he had sex with an ex. He didn't tell me about it until after we were married, and I was PO'd, but we lived 1200 miles from her at that point and I know he isn't a cheater (we were broken up, even if it was only for a week).





Then a few years later, we moved back to our home state, she got his email address somehow and they started emailing each other. He told me about it, he wasn't hiding it from me, and he also told me they were friends for years, dated for about a month and only had sex the one time. ...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I wouldnt let DH email her...thats just me. If the situation were reversed would he let you???
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:50 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • So I said fine, whatever, as long as she isn't your new BFF, I don't really care. The one day he tells me that she confessed she had gotten pregnant that night and had an abortion. He had told me before that they didn't use a condom and I made him get tested, everything was fine. Anyhow, after that I started worrying that maybe they had too much history to just be friends but I kept my mouth shut. Then one day I met her. She started telling me about how close they used to be and how messed up things had gotten AND SHE STARTED CRYING. This was 6 YEARS after their one night stand. After that I told him I didn't think they should talk, she was too emotional about him. He agreed and I thought that was the end of it....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • ARE YOU UPSET ABOUT THE E-MAILS? YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE, IF HE IS TRUSTWORTHY THEN YOU SHOULD BE OK, IF YOU HAVENT TOLD HIM HOW YOU FEEL THEN YOU SHOULD. SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN IT FROM MYSPACE. YOU CAN LOOK UP PEOPLE THERE. IF HE DOESNT STOP IF YOU WONT HIM TO THEN THERE LIES A PROBLEM
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 12:51 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • OH THIS SEEMS LIKE THEY HAVE AN EMOTIONAL ATTACMENT. BE CAREFUL
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 12:53 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Do not be too calm, seriously, you had the right to know about her, you should feel betrayed, I would!!
    jennieo622

    Answer by jennieo622 at 12:53 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • We move out of state again and one day I am looking at his cell phone bill and see her number. I ask him why she is calling again and he says she just started back up and he "I am your wife, you talking to her hurts me, you need to stop." So he called her, told her that and one day she calls AGAIN and I happen to answer the phone. I didn't recognize the # so I answered in my usual chipper voice and she says really rudely "IS (dh) THERE?" So I hand him the phone but say loudly "This is my house and you are my husband and no one is going to call here to talk to you and be rude to me!!" He agreed, told her he wouldn't be talking to her and that was the end, again... Until a year ago when she requested him as her myspace friend. He told me, I told him to deny her. He did.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Now today I happen to be looking at his friends and THERE SHE IS!! I know he isn't cheating on me but COME ON!!! I say as the wife, I have the right to say he can't talk to her. I think he just feels guilty about the past and can't be rude because he is a nice guy. Should I tell him I saw her on his friends list or am I overreacting. Sorry so long!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • NO IT IS OK YOU CAN BE AS LONG AS YOU NEED TO BE. HE WAS WRONG FOR ADDING HER ANYWAY. LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU FEEL REALLY DISREPECTED AND IT NEEDS TO STOP COLD TURKEY. BECAUSE NOW HE IS ALMOST OR REALLY LIEING TO YOU. BY DOING THE THINGS YOU ASKED HIM NOT TO DO
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 1:03 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • it's not only a matter that he should respect you but that she needs to move on with her life and this abortion thing links her to your husband cause it was his child. he can't make her decision and the pain that came with it go away. your hubby is not responsible for what she did. he can't heal her and it sounds like this attachment she has that she thinks that she needs him to help her and to tell her it will be or was ok. he should just email her one last time telling her that she needs to move on with her life that he hopes she gets help for the pain and the guilt of what she did. that he forgives her and that he will not talk with her anymore cause he is committed to you and can only have one women in his life that he can only give his heart too.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:04 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • wish her well and then delete or even change his email. although he can block her emails. maybe she is lying. maybe she never had an abortion...maybe. some women do anything for a man they think they love.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:04 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

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