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Grouchy-ass Grandma!

So, we visit dh's gma and gpa every year for Christmas. Every year for the 3 years we've been married, we have given them a new family photo as a gift because they specifically ask for no gifts since their home"is too small." Anyway, I noticed a while back on this gma's Facebook page, she has an album of pictures of her grandkids, she has updated every time she gets a new pic. I noticed that when she puts dh's picture up, she scans it, and then crops me and our two children out.

Not that THAT is what I'm shocked over, bil is in the middle of a really hairy divorce that he is entirely to blame for (just decided one day he didn't want the responsibility any more, kicked wife and 4 of their 5 kids out.) And this gma has the nerve. She calls dh to let him know when they're doing Christmas, and says, "Well, I need you to call your brother and tell him. And tell him he is welcome to come, but not to bring anybody. We don't want his girlfriend here, do we?"

Of course, dh says, "Yeah, ok." ---couldn't believe his ears either!

This is the same woman that freaked out on me when he and I were engaged and visiting and I was in the shower (long enough to wet my hair and quickly soap off) and I noticed dh had made a couple grilled cheese sandwiches. I know dh likes mayo on his, and he knows I don't. There were two on the plate, so I simply asked him, "which one has mayonaisse?" He said, "oh, shoot. Sorry, babe I forgot-" and in she stormed (heard us thru two walls??) And flung a pan on the stove, and proceeded to throw together a sandwich with no mayo. Of course, she was MORE pissed when he told her I wasn't going to eat that if that's how she was going to serve me lunch, then we packed our things, said our goodbyes to gpa, and left.

The next day, she called him. He answered, expecting an apology. He put her on speaker so I could hear. She starts with: "Don't you marry her, boy. That girl has serious problems." He jutted in, "What's that supposed to mean, gma?" She says, "I'm telling you, don't you marry her." Dh kept asking over and over, "What do you mean?" And "Like what? No, you tell me!" And she never would say. He hung up on her, appalled.

FOUR YEARS LATER.

She is at mil's house (she is deceased fil's mother) to take my nieces and nephew their gifts, and makes grilled cheese. My nephew comments, "Harley (3yr old sister) doesn't like mayo on hers, gma." Gma pops off, "Yeah, well neither does your aunt Bayly, and she ate what I gave her too."

I really don't feel like going there this year. I really don't. But, I'm sure I will suck it up and go, because every year could be the last year his gpa is alive. Dh even said once gpa passes, he won't be going to their Xmas get-togethers. They're always awkward anyway, because we're the only part of that
branch of family that doesn't live within a half-hour drive, and we get stares from most, especially dh's cousins, because we show up and get the same gifts they do and they're there all year. That and last year, we dragged our 4wk old baby out there, and gpa and one sil out of 25+ people are the only two that paid any attention to my children. My 2yo felt awkward, and sat on my lap most of ,the evening when he wasn't sitting on Daddy's. I held the baby most of the time to keep him off the floor...

Do you know anyone like this in your family?

I don't have any on my side, so I'm still pretty new at dealing with this. I already hate it.

Answer Question
 
matobe

Asked by matobe at 10:49 AM on Dec. 15, 2011 in Holidays

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Not to laugh but this cracked me up " gma's Facebook page"! LOL! Well you aren't going to change the old buggar & I know where you're coming from! So just grin & bear it. Put on a happy face & laugh. As long as you don't have to live with her just suffer through the few times a year that you do. Don't ruin your holidays just because she is miserable. You can't teach an old dog new tricks! :)
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:56 AM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • Just because people are old doesn't mean they are nice. That "kindly grandma" thing is a myth.

    My stepdad's mom was so mean to my mother and everyone else that my cousin and I had bets going that she was too mean to die. Christmas at her house was like a sequel to Dante's Inferno: The 12 days of Christmas in the 7th Circle of Hell. She made racist remarks about my mom's family and made everyone around her miserable.

    mrsgino

    Answer by mrsgino at 10:59 AM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • She's the kind that drives around all day, making sure every person is where they're supposed to be. Bil was working for uncle's landscaping business, gma saw him shake hands and tip his hat to a mid-40s gal (Bil is 28) and gma IMMEDIATELY called Bil's wife, "Better keep an eye on him, he's being a little too friendly."

    Just petty Crap she has no business in. As if she doesn't have a life! Gossip Central too, if you need to know anything about the neighbor's ex-wife's new husband's boss' sister's cousin, call her. She'll know!"
    matobe

    Comment by matobe (original poster) at 11:10 AM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • I am a grandma so just let me say there is no reason you need to treat this old crab with any extra kindness, just because she is "grandma". the old coot knows exactly what she is doing, and is banking on the fact that her grandma status will give her a pass on being such a pain in the ass. Id get the regular family pic taken, then cut it down to just hubby and give it to her like that, telling her you saved her the trouble of cropping it for her facebook page. Id also make my appearance for grandpa's sake. Give him a hug, let him see the kids, and get the heck out. She is choosing to be a total ass, you can likewise choose not to be a part of her crankiness. She's a big girl, let her live with it.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 11:16 AM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • Kill her with kindness. Smile and laugh the entire time and be solicitous, like oh no GMA =, please let me make the sandwiches. You have been working so hard to put this all together. If she is nasty act as though you are a tad confused like you must have misheard (your bad) and then smile. Get everyone in your family to "play this game". You will have a better time. You might get your grilled cheese the way you want it and you will take the wind out of her sails. She may get nastier or she may calm down you never know but the game is fun. You look like the injured party who istrying to be pleaseant. The other family who live closer are afraid you will inherit. Some families bread lovers and some breed vultures.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:24 AM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • Yep and I dont go to their Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthdays or anything else. My dh is more than welcome to go visit his family any time he wants to, but that does not mean I have to go with him. My dhs grandpa is a racist and has been with a racist gf for years. He is an asshole, and they actually called me over one day to explain why it is not their fault they are racist and why they dont like me and my kids (I am Hispanic). I really couldnt believe the convo. Anyway years later their lovely nephew molested my dd (was 3) and then whisked him away before the police could arrest him. My mil begs, pleads and cries every year at the holidays for us to go see him bc who knows if itll be his last? I say with any luck it will be. I have no pity for a-holes and dont waste my time on them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:28 AM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • I would not give her any more pictures period.
    mamabear484

    Answer by mamabear484 at 4:54 PM on Dec. 16, 2011

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