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2 Bumps

Doing that right thing sometimes sucks! -updated, what have I done-

-update- I did what I always thought was right. I told the truth about the birthfather as soon as I knew who he was. Now I may have screwed our little boy.  Turns out he is a life long criminal and drug addict. Now all I can do is wait for the court hearings and how the judge sees what is really best. They don't always. I've always felt the father has a right to know....now I don't know, I think I may have not done what was best ...my ethics may be intact, but what good is that if he goes to this guy.  Damn it, I hope the judge is wiser then me.

The birthmom of our son wants us to adopt her newborn son. We are crazy about him, it is a no brainer. She told the social worker and us she did not know who the father was...then she just let it slip to me. I won't lie, I seriously thought about keeping it to myself, but I couldn't. He deserves to know and be vetted like the rest of us. If he doesn't want reunification, I will still be here. I hope if he does he will let the boys have a relationship. If he is with us and wanted to he could still have a relationship with the baby.

I am rambling. I am so sad right now, but I did the right thing, right? It isn't about me, its about the baby and he has a right to be with his father if it can be worked out. I admit it, I am sad for me and my family.

Answer Question
 
adopteekjt

Asked by adopteekjt at 6:18 PM on Dec. 15, 2011 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,995 Credits)
Answers (34)
  • I don't get why she would lie about not knowing who the dad is unless he doesn't want to give the baby up for adoption. It was nice of you to think of him and his relationship with his son, but was the birthmom's responsibility to reveal all the facts. I hope it works out for everyone involved.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 6:23 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • She doesn't want him, but doesn't want him to have him either. It is not that uncommon, sadly.
    adopteekjt

    Comment by adopteekjt (original poster) at 6:30 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • Is there a reason she didn't want him to know? Abuse? Drugs? I guess my answer on what is "right" would depend on what kind of person he is.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 6:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • Your an amazing person for that. Yes you did the right thing. He may not want this child or may not be fit to raise this child. If so you will still have the opportunity to keep him. I hope it works out whatever is best for the child. Im also very sorry that you are going through this. Could you have lived with such a big secret?

    skinnyslokita

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 6:43 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • Part of me says "oh hell yes", but I know it couldn't. What do I tell him when he asks me who is birthfather is? I could never lie to my children about who they are. God I sure hate this part! thanks for your encouragement.


    simple frown

    adopteekjt

    Comment by adopteekjt (original poster) at 6:50 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • I am so sorry to hear that for you. I know that must be a big struggle but I do think you are doing the right thing. Hopefully no matter how it pans out the children can have a relationship.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 6:52 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • Gosh, are you certain he isn't the father of the first child as well!? Oh, how awful!! I hope it all works out for you!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • I believe you have done the right thing :0)
    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 6:58 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • she did not know him then
    adopteekjt

    Comment by adopteekjt (original poster) at 7:00 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

  • You did do the right thing. Absolutely, do not doubt yourself. You sound like you have a good heart. Doing the right thing is not always the easiest thing. I hope things work out for you and the little ones can be united whether it is in your home or in general.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 7:17 PM on Dec. 15, 2011

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