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Boys are kinda stupid.

I'm three weeks pregnant and me and the dad aren't together. I don't feel right about us not being married, but at the same time i don't want to push him into anything he's not comfortable with. We're friends you could say, that sleep together and that are having a baby. I feel like maybe we should get married or at least date or something. I also feel like i can't talk to him about anything i'm feelin without him getting mad or thinking im pushing it. He's a great guy and i like him alot, even love him maybe i just don't know what we're supposed to do. I mean it's great that he want's to be a good dad, but at the same time i feel like we should at least try dating or something and see where it goes. I just don't know what to do.

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sarapurser

Asked by sarapurser at 3:08 AM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Well, first of all dont rush into a marrage. Especially if you dont feel like you can talk to him. Take it slow and like you said Date. But if you "maybe" love him, shouldnt you find out for sure that you love him before you marry him? You dont want to marry someone just because you are having thier baby because if your not truly in love with that person its not going to work and you will be left unhappy for the rest of that marrage. You dont want your child to see you unhappy do you? Date first. Think about marrage later down the road when you are both on the same page! Good Luck!!
    angieluv

    Answer by angieluv at 3:11 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • imo i don't think you should automatically run & marry him. Although because u r pregnant, i do however believe u might want invest in pre-marital counseling. i think it's important to find out if u
    & him are compatible. If he doesn't want to go, that (to me) would be an indicator of what he intends to do w/ the relationship. To me, marriage is a serious step so if you're not sure, i would take it slow. I understand that you're thinking of your baby but this is supposed to be a lifetime commitment so think it out thoroughly.
    ilovebooksfan

    Answer by ilovebooksfan at 3:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Having a pleasent personality does not equal "great guy". A great guy would step up to the plate and at the very least make sure his child has an intact home... meaning married parents. A great guy would choose love over selfishness. A great guy would never put a woman in this situation in the first place.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • It's not his personality that makes him great, it's the fact that he is being there for us. I mean i think we should get married, because i do love him. I'm scared to tell him this because i don't know how he feels, but i do think we could make it together. When we first met we were dating and two weeks later he said he didn't think we were 'clicking', so now i don't know what he feels we should do about us. And i just don't want to cause problems with us and that's why i don't tell him things between us.
    sarapurser

    Answer by sarapurser at 4:04 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Getting married for the sake of the baby is the worst idea in the history of ever. Sometimes it works out, but for the most part it just leads to resentment and hostility. A terrible way to raise a child.

    If you didn't want to date or marry him before you got preggers, or if he didn't want to date or marry you before hand, then the fact that you are is NO REASON to start.

    Instead, continue the relationship as it was in the past. Put on your big girl panties and realize that you created a child with someone who was not committed to you, and to whom you were not committed. Make sure you stay friends, since that is what you were in the beginning. Make sure he takes care of his child. and if a further romantic relationship builds in the future great. But don't ruin 3 lives because you "think maybe you should be married" since you happened to concieve a child.
    AnnieMcD

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 5:14 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I agree with everyone except ANON 3 37 with the phrase "A great guy would never put a woman in this situation in the first place. " It was 2 people who were in this place, not one. But think about everyone else's opinions . Marrying for children is not the best answer. Get your life together and make a life for you and your unborn child. Don't worry about what others think, do whats best for you and baby. Thinking you love someone and knowing you love someone are 2 different things. My own personal advice is always have a way to take care of you and your children by yourself if things don't work out or if something happens in life.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 10:05 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Actually a good movie about a situation like this is "Knocked Up" ... but my friend went through the same thing... they sat down and talked about how they wanted the baby raised... they both wanted the baby to live with them, so they moved in together... she has a son by a different father from years ago, and her soon to be babies father took to him like he was his own son,,, after that things just seemed to click for them... they now have a beautiful little girl and a great relationship... they aren't married, but are definately a couple now, and (he told my brother, who is his friend, that he had bought a ring to propose)... don't push it, but talk about what you both want... hopefully you will have the same results... good luck.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:08 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I think what you have now is the perfect situation. Marriage would serve no purpose in the relationship you described imo. It would be a mockery if you ask me. Save marriage for someone you fall in love with and want to spend the rest of your life with. I'm not trying to be a b but you might try birth control the next time you decide to screw a friend. It's just not fair to the child to have irresponsible parents like that who don't even love each other and want to create a family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • DUH You should have thought about what a child needs before you slept with your friend w/benefits. It is sad that the child has to pay for your poor judgement--and his. You are just friends--he is the child's dad. If he wants to be involved with the child--awesome--but that doesn't mean you have any grounds for a relationship with him. Sex isn't "free" because the child always pays the price......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • as for all the anon.. above... sometimes birth control doesn't always work.. condoms break, pills end up not working, etc... it sounds like she more than willing to take responsibility for her actions, and so does the father... so lay off. It's not like it's you in this situation... as for OP.. try what you can to see if you can get the relationship to take off... if not, always try to keep that friendship a live... a friend is a great thing... far greater than an enemy in a bitter divorce.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 8:08 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

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