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How do you deal with the judgement?

We know that the world expects us moms to be absolutely perfect, and when our child is screaming bloody murder and we can't console him or her, the whole situation is obviously our fault; but what about when your best friend (who is child-less, btw) calls you a horrible mom? My daughter is a thriving, happy baby, yet managed to catch a virus and needed to be hospitalized, and my "friend" berated me for how terrible my parenting skills are, and how my "failure" as a mother led to this. Mind you, I have friends and family who are pediatricians and parents and who spend a lot more time around me and my little girl than she does, and say that I'm doing great, but still, it doesn't make me feel any better about the situation. This is someone whose opinion I value more than anyone, and although I'm doing my best, I just feel so hurt, and so lost. How can I still be friends with her, knowing that she will always be judging me?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:39 AM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would tell your friend, that if she wants to be a friend, stay out of the issues between you and your children, a true friend will be there for them... ex. when your son was in the hospital, your friend should have been there at your side offering comfort, NOT insults... IMO she sounds jealous, and there is no room in a friendship for such feelings. Tell her, unless she has kids, or is in fact a doctor herself, to stay out of issues she clearly doesn't know about...either way, glad to here your son is better, and that you have a good relationship with the other people in your life... good luck
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:04 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Dump your so called friend. You can do better. If your daughter were in bad hands they would have taken her when they hospitalized her. Some people have a lot of nerve. You sound like a stellar mommy dont let some person with NO experience make you think otherwise. How the hell would she know!
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 3:45 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Tell your friend that you were a much better mom before you ever had kids too. Then stop contacting her. When she grows up and has kids and realizes that we are human and there are some things beyond our control she will see what you mean.
    AnnieMcD

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 4:56 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Not a friend to treat you this way.
    Jesusiswelcome

    Answer by Jesusiswelcome at 8:23 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I have a childless sister who does the same thing to me - she stayed with us for two weeks after our third child was born, and everything I did she criticized. She had read some baby care book and was telling me the most ridiculous things (like not testing the formula on my wrist - the BOOK said that I should use the back of my hand - which is obviously not as temperature sensitive as my wrist). Although we appreciated her help w/ the house and the older kids, this baby interferance made me nuts.... One day she was going on about how I bathed the baby 'cuz the almighty book said do it this way and I told her

    WHEN THE BOOK AND YOU HAVE CHILDREN, THEN YOU CAN TWO INSTRUCT ME ON RAISING A BABY. UNTIL THEN, BACK OFF!
    I mean, sheesh!. Otherwise, everything was great.
    plylerjones

    Answer by plylerjones at 8:46 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I would tell you so called friend that she was being a bitch, children get sick and there is nothing you can do about it except try to make them better. I would tell her if I was such a bad mom I wouldn't have taken her to the doctor in the first place.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:52 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • You can't shelter your kids from every illness in the world. Kids get sick, it's just how it is. Your "friend" obviously doesn't understand this because she has no children of her own. You can never really understand until you have kids of your own. I know what you feel. My son was in the hospital with pnemonia last winter and my grandmother had the nerve to tell my mother that it was because I smoked before I got pregnant...yes, BEFORE I got pregnant. I quit the day I found out I was pregnant. I was SO hurt...I could hardley speak to my grandma for a long time. As if it's not bad and hard enough having to see your child in the hospital you have to have those stupid ignorant people saying it's your fault. It's not...I would dump the friend...or at least tell her what's up because that's not right. No real friend would put that kind of quilt on your shoulder. Good luck momma and it sounds to me like you're doing fine! :)
    manamott

    Answer by manamott at 10:48 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I would tell her that if she wants to remain friends that she needs to keep her opinions to herself regarding your parenting skills. Until she's been a mother she can't possibly know what we deal with so her credibility (opinion) has no value.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:05 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • thats a horrible thing to say to a parent. we do everything we can
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 6:18 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Wow! With friends like that, who needs enemies. Get rid of her! Nothing like kickin a girl when she's down.
    doublefistin

    Answer by doublefistin at 12:06 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

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