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please help i dont know what to think

Ok So my boyfriend is in bootcamp.He will be gone until june or july. I am 5 weeks pregnant. So last night i couldnt sleep. so i was playing on the internet. i went on his myspace and was reading his messages( he told me it was fine he had nothing to hide!) well i can across about 40 messages between him and this other girl. dated while me and him where dating. they were talking about how much they love each other and when they get married wherer will they live and how many kids are they going to have and he kept telling her she was the most perfect girl for him and he would always love her well this went on and on? im not on to confront but i am so hurt right now and i wish i could just make this go away but what if he has lied to me our whole relationshipi know he hasnt seen her in a few months because he moved in with me a while back and we are planning on getting married but im not sure what to think at all right nown here

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Asked by aubreyluv at 11:25 AM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • He is not trustworthy and this won't be the last time you have trouble with him, i'm sure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • you need to confront him. You and your baby deserve the truth.

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 11:41 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I'd be very suspicious. I can't think of any reason for him to be carrying on this dialogue with the other woman unless he is just doing the online romance thing and leading her on, which it really doesn't sound like, and even if he is doing that, it means he is a rat. So let's assume he really has had an affair with her and is planning to marry her. You need to make sure that you have job skills and can support yourself and your child. Talk with whatever office in your city handles helping single mothers get jobs and housing. Make sure you have a bank account in your own name with money in it. Consult a lawyer about how to get the boyfriend to help support the new human being that will be arriving in a few months. Good luck.

    Answer by Bmat at 11:42 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I re-read my answer and it seems very cold. I was thinking more of what you need to do than to comfort you. I am very sorry that you are in this terrible situation. You must feel lonely and confused. I sincerely hope that things work out for you. You are a strong woman and you can and will handle this.

    Answer by Bmat at 11:44 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Hunny this is now more about a baby,you, and him being parents to the child. If he is in boot camp think does he have time to go emailing girls. Tough up hunny just care for you and baby when he does contact you be nice because home stress does not help with work stress. Besides now in military if shows cannot handle home life then does look bad on him. First how much did you know of him when met? Did guys date and get to know each other before slept together? These are big questions need to think about because if trusted him enough to sleep together then must trust him to be a father. Does he know you are PG? Care for yourself and the baby but don't act out until do have answers from his mouth only


    Answer by MLTYMOMF3 at 11:44 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • What were the dates on the messages? Were they from when they were dating, or since he moved in with you? Those are two very different issues. If they were from when they were dating, try to let it go. Some men want to be married, so marrying the woman they're closest to seems logical to them. Then something happened between them that caused him to realize that was you. If it's been going on since he moved in with you, that's a problem. You need to talk to him, and based on his answers decide what's in you and your baby's best interest.

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:50 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Sorry to be so rude but few things to think about.... Contact base information look for fleet and family services and let them know situation and concerns. Did you print out the information run into online?

    Answer by MLTYMOMF3 at 11:51 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • ok this all happened when we first got together.. we were friendls for 7 months before we starting dating. We started having sex the end of march and him an this girl were talking the end of April... we broke up end of may cuz he wasnt happy and then out of no where he called me and said he wanted to be with me more than anything and so we have been together since and he hasnt talked to her since but i asked him if he had been seeing someone elso and he told me no... He said he was just friends with the girl and he hadnt had sex for like over a year but come to find out when we first starting hanging out he was screwing around with some girl.. that he was telling he loved her but later on told her he was just using her for sex.... i read all this last night too

    Answer by aubreyluv at 12:02 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • print out the information before it can be deleted. I don't want to scare you but even if you take him back or he explains it away, you'll always wonder and always worry if he'll be faithful. I recommend as well asking for help with a counselor about this. If he is committed and you and he really want this to work. I have a girlfriend I met in the military, her hubby did the same thing to her and continued to do so for 15 years. He used prostitutes and met people online in the middle of the night for his needs. He even had another family whom he put the kids for a bath, helped with the house work and played Daddy to another woman. Due to money, emotional ties, and family and children this woman has been unable until just this last year to ask him to leave. It's sad to watch and frankly no woman deserves this.

    Answer by massagegiftmom at 12:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • im just in shock.. he called me this morning for the first time since he left and i wanted to do was yell at him but i couldnt even mention any of it i just kept crying and he would ask what was wrong and i would just tell him i was sick and didnt sleep all night which was true i finbally fell aslepp at 5 in the moring'

    Answer by aubreyluv at 12:55 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

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