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my mil doesn't believe i'm being abused

i put everything in an answer under #4 If you guys were reading my continuations. I am sorry but this is my first time using a chat or message board and i don't know how it all works and i'm sorry . I came here for support so please just help some women need help not being told how to use this place . you guys have been here a long time and i want to be here to so please bear with me i really need the help with answeras cause right now i am so depresssed and need help.

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agoogoo

Asked by agoogoo at 3:52 PM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Why do you need her to believe your being abused? If you think you're being abused I'm not sure your MIL is the person that you should go to for help...it being her son and all. But of course it depends on your relationship with her. I'm just asking and not trying to be rude. {{HUGS}}
    happy2bme7

    Answer by happy2bme7 at 3:59 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I read them, but there is nothing under #4 that tells anyone anything. can you help with that.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:04 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Here is some advice to help you out when posting.
    There is a little spot below the paragraph box where you are writing that tells you how many more words you can write. For example it might say "34 characters left" and you can keep writing until you run out of characters.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • its not really in a mothers nature to believe that their child is a mean or abusive person. no, your MIL will probably never understand where you're coming from, dont expect her to. If you feel like things can be worked out with your husband you need to talk to him and work on them, maybe try marriage counseling. If you dont feel like things are going to work out, youre tired of his crap, tired of your MIL, whatever, leave. In the end it doesnt matter how she feels about it. she isnt married to him, you are. so she watches you kids, thats nice of her but it doesnt give her control over your life. nothing that you do gives him the right to abuse you. If you dont want to be with him do something about it. i know its hard but you have to look after yourself and your children. if you want to leave you can do it, there are lots of resources to help you if you want to use them
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 4:17 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • It's called denial. If she admits he's abusive then she has to admit she created a monster (or his dad did and she didn't get him out of the environment). Kids learn what they live. If he is abusing you call the police or at least the local domestic violence shelter and see what they can do for you in regards to counseling even if you don't want anything else from them. I wouldn't worry about what MIL does or doesn't believe about him. YOU know he is abusive. That is what matters.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:47 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • i know the feelin i dont get physically abused but mentally abused everyday and for some reason even though my husband does it in front of his parents they still think we have a perfect marriage. I think it might have something to do with the fact that her husband threw her down some steps and she lost a baby cause of it but i dunno
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I told my MIL Because We at once had a close relationship. I thought maybe she could talk some since into him, because i couldn't . How do you tell your 5 year old and 3year old that we are leaving without daddy. My 5 year old understands alot. It would crush her . That is a big reason why i don't leave . Also we have tried counseling every type of counseling and he doesn't follow through with what they tell him. Also he never makes appt. to go anymore. When i have said i'm leaving he starts to cry and says he will change. Please imagine yourself in this situation what would you do for your kids. also i have my mom who is catholic telling me to keep believing in him and to pray to god. .
    now ialso understand how everyone say who cares what she says , well i do because i want that relationship i once hjad with herand my husband . i want my life back when none of this was happening . I want us to all be happy
    agoogoo

    Answer by agoogoo at 9:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • "How do you tell your 5 year old and 3year old that we are leaving without daddy. My 5 year old understands alot. It would crush her . That is a big reason why i don't leave ."

    So instead you're teaching her it's OK to be hit and abused.

    If SHE was the one in this situation, what would you tell her to do?

    MODEL THAT BEHAVIOR. BE THE ADULT YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE.

    You've already stated he doesn't do wht counselors tell him.

    Do you want to be a DEAD mom? Because you're headed down that road, my dear.

    If I was in your shoes, I would not hesitate. I'd have been gone with the kids on the first bit of abuse. GONE, ADIOS, SAYONARA CHARLIE.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:22 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • are you gonna close your eyes and pretend abuse isnt happening in the meantime?while hoping life will go back to the way it was?look,i dont know how it feels to be in that situation,but i do know that staying in that kind of home is not beneficial to your kids.how do you tell them you are leaving without daddy?how do you tell them you accept daddy's behaviour?how do you tell them that this is how much mommy values herself?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • as a child of an abusive home i can guarantee you that those kids will not be as hurt by you leaving your husband as they will be by you staying. your MIL is not going to believe you, you are probably not going to have the relationship with her or your husband like you once did rather you stay or go. yeah its gunna be hard but you have to take care of your kids. would you want your daughter staying in an abusive relationship just because she wanted to remain friends with her MIL?
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 11:49 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

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