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I found my children after 7 years of looking...Now What

I had to sign my two children over to an Aunt for adoption to keep them safe.
They are 15 & 13. My aunt will not agree to any open communication between her and I. I just found out what school they are going to. I have been begging to see them for the past 6 to 7 years. I am being told by my grandmother that my aunt feels threthened by me. I have read every book on every angle of adoption. I was told the last question that was asked my my son was...who I was. I am so scared that my aunt has not told them how long I have been trying to make contact with them. I here through the family my 15 son is acting out. I see pictures of my 13 old daughter..her eyes long so sad. What do I do. Are my children needing to know who I am and they are afraid of hurting their second mother. Do I continue to be kept at arms lenght or do I do something drastic and show up. Please I am trying to get a second opinion. Thanks Stacy

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Asked by shera_105 at 5:46 PM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (15)
  • If you dont have any rights and signed them over for adoption you have no right to anything. I would stay at arms length. Something very very similar happened to a good friend of mine and she knew where they were and just stayed in town in case THEY came to look for her. And they did. You dont want to end up in jail or making things more confusing for them by just showing up.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:50 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Consult an attorney and do things legally. I don't know your story--was this supposed to be temporary or for good? You need to get help before just popping into their lives. Your Aunt has legal rights and you don't.


    Answer by Teachermom01 at 5:53 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • stay at arms length becuse you have no rights. your children are getting old enough that they will soon be able to look for you. make sure someone like grandma always knows where you are. even leave a letter for the kids with her that she is to give them only if they ask about you. Your aunt has loved these kids and fears you will show up and they will abandone her for you and to be honest she has put up with the bad times and acting out that you haven't had to. maybe send her a letter thanking her for raising and loving the children and tell her you would like some contact but you realize she is mom now and you are willing to take what she allows and see what happens. as an adoptive mom whos kids birth paresnts have just reintered the picture I know something like this really helped me with my decision

    Answer by Lyndall at 5:55 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • You signed over your rights. If you have no standing agreement for open communication, then your hands are tied. Consider the reasons you placed your children, if it was simply to keep them safe........from someone or something, then go to court and work it out that way. Otherwise, until they are 18 there is nothing you can do and anything you do would be illegal.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 5:57 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Can you open up communication with her. Explain your position of loving them and missing them. Ask her what kind of a relationship she would feel comfortable having with you and you having with the kids. This is an adult matter and a conversation that should take place in a neutral local without the kids. Those children need to know that you are missing them and love them. It is essential for their self esteem and well being. To feel abandoned can crush an ego of a child. Do whatever you can to gain some kind of relationship with them. You must remain calm and in control though. It sounds like the aunt doesn't trust that you would not try to take them away or come in between their relationship with her. Reassure her. You may wish to seek a arbitrator. A non partial 3rd party without any family ties or prejudice. Like a referee. good luck to ya...keep up your efforts.


    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 6:00 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Contact the eldest when that kid turns 18. The elder will certainly tell the younger and find out if they want to talk to you or not. You can't do anything til then without going through your aunt, that would be illegal and wrong. They are her kids now and until they grow up they can't make the decision to bring you back into their lives. Just give it a little more time. Good luck!!

    Answer by shmorris56 at 6:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Contact your aunt and tell her what an insecure, selfish bitch she is being. If she cared about those kids in any way or form, she would have allowed some form of contact. The fact that she feels "threatened' by you screams insecurity. She obviously just figured you'd drop off the face of the planet and the kids were all hers. Tough noogies. Contact her and tell her you want to see them and remind her who it was that trusted her to raise those kids.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Don't do what the previous anonymous poster suggested. It will only estrange your insecure, selfish bitch of an Aunt more and make it difficult for your kids. Actually to anyone who says contacting your kids is illegal, they're wrong. All you signed away was your right to make parental decisions; there's no automatic restraining order in there. However you need to be very careful how you proceed. Personally I'd start with a letter to the whole family with your kids names clearly on the envelope, telling them you're thinking of them and would welcome contact. Could your mom or dad have any influence on their sister?


    Answer by onethentwins at 9:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Do what is the hardest thing to do. Just stay away, don't' have any contact until they are of age which I think is 18. You don't have any legal rights to them and don't want to get into trouble by trying to see them if there is no agreement or order for that. You could be seen as stalking and you said your aunt feels threatened by you so by all means don't contact them at all. Don't do anything. Just wait. It's hard to deal with, I know because I gave my up for adoption when I was 21. I cried all the time and felt I had made the worst mistake in the world. It was forced upon me but I had to live with it. It gets easier. Just stay strong and don't contact them at all.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Since when was it illegal for a niece to stand in the presence of her aunt and family?

    The OP didn't mention any plans on becoming a criminal, of stealing back her children, or harassing anyone, so why do some people assume she will?? Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?


    Answer by adopteeme at 4:57 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

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