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After 3 yrs my stepdaughters say they hate me and have given their dad a choice, them or me. How to handle this.

They don't like when I get upset but I am working on that. We are having a lot of financial problems. I work 2 jobs and he has been trying to find a 2nd job, but no luck yet. I think they feel treatened but I feel I have tried everything I can.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (13)
  • How old is she, could you sit her down and talk. Kids usually dont hate someone for no reason. Try talking if possible
    letlovegrow

    Answer by letlovegrow at 6:17 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • well do they live with you? because if they were your daughters and they gave you that choice and they lived with you wouldnt you leave the man you were with? i know i would. so what makes it a different situation for him? But if they dont live with you and its like a weekend thing when you see them then thats not there business. i understand its there father but if they only see you guys on the weekends they probably gave him the choice just because they dont like you so i would just have him explain to them he loves you and your not going anywhre they only have to see you on weekends so they can deal with it
    lovencasper5307

    Answer by lovencasper5307 at 6:19 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • When you give an ultimatem like that dontbe surprised when you are the one he gives up. Those have been his kids before you were around and they will be after. If the kids live with you then I would send them back to their moms or grandmas or something because you dont get along or even just for a break. I mean obviously financially you are struggling so it might make it easier. If they dont then maybe on weekends they are there you can just do something else and not be around them for awhile. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do but I would never ask my husband to choose between me and his child, and if he ever asked me to Id throw him out just for asking.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:22 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • I would treat the situation the same if they were my blood children or my stepchildren. My sons told me they hated me at various times during their teenage years and my standard answer was, "That's too bad, because I love you!" It's a manipulation tactic. Also, their father needs to step up and insist they respect you.
    LoveIsCool

    Answer by LoveIsCool at 6:23 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • what a horrible thing to say, are you like the evil stepmother from cinderella? :p jk
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 6:23 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • You need to talk this out with your DH. See how he feels about the choise his DD have given him. See if you all can get these kids in line together, or is their choise going to break you two up.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:26 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • She didn't give her husband the ultimatum, the kids did.
    I'd say let him deal with it. If he's any kind of a man he will tell his children kindly but firmly that you are his wife now and they will have to learn to deal with that. Otherwise let him on down the road with his kids, and no great loss.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Bite down, grin, and bare it.....I know from experiance, yes it's true I was once the bitchy stepdaughter who gave my stepdad way way more than he ever asked for. I never went as far to tell my mom to choose, but I might as well have as much other crap as I threw at him. My stepdad and I always got along ok until I was a teenager and then all hell broke loose. The good thing about the teenage years is....they pass! I'm sure that even as hard as life might be right now, your husband will stick by your side.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Part 2:
    Maybe you could try to sit down and have a family talk? If your afraid you will get too upset and get angry, maybe try writting each of them a letter that way you can control better your emotions and make your point clearer. I know you said your having some financial issues...which we all go through that, and those too pass! But maybe you could look into some family counceling....mosty counties offer this for free or a discounted rate for families who can not fit it into their budget...you should look into that if you can. In the mean time, remember that you married your husband...and his daughters.


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Part 3:
    Stick by their side just like you would stick by his side....be the bigger person! Six years ago my step dad kicked me out of his house after 2 continuous months of argument, I didn't speak
    to him or my mom or siblings for almost a year, I blamed him for everything that was wrong in my life just beacuse I could. I'm in my 20's now, and I have a family of my own, and I've matured alot since then, he's probably learned alot since then too....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

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