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What can I do for my sister?

Her husband does not want to be married anymore. He's been cheating on her and I think he even got this woman pregnant with the baby she just had three months ago. He doesn't want her to leave but wants to have BOTH of them living with him. She's pregnant with number three, a VERY high risk pregnancy and she has two other kids, one from her first husband who was murdered before her son was born. She was going to move in with her older sister but his parents are threatening to have her labeled an unfit mother and will try to take the kids from her. She's TERRIFIED. He's been controlling her for a long time, not allowing her to be around some of her family members and has hit her at least once. And now, he's doing this. The stress isn't going to help her and I'm really worried about her. What can I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Unless she is doing something that makes her unfit it will be hard for them to prove. I am sure though that the judge will encourage her to work on getting a place of her own.

    Answer by anetrnlov at 7:34 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Have her go to a lawyer first thing. Encourage her to get all the money she can into a bank account in her own name. Since there is violence, perhaps a women's shelter, although if she has a family member who would help with a home then that is probably better - not sure. Maybe a minister, too.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:34 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • You can't 'do anythining if she doesn't want the help. If she has a high risk pregnancy and is under so much stress etc then she has to make the decision to leave on her own. She also has to make sure that she doesn't say anything to the hospital or doctor etc about her high stress situation and controlling husband etc or they could/will call CPS to make sure it is a safe environment for the baby. She needs to get out or just make him leave but she can only do that if she wants.

    The only thing you can really do is to let her know that you are there for her and if she needs to live with you etc then do it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • go to her house, help her pack things for her and the kids, and take them all away to a shelter or somewhere he doesn't know about! if need be bring along a couple of big strong guy friends to make sure thing dont get out of hand

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 7:59 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • This guy is a dirt bag. Your sister should kick him out and file for divorce.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • All you can do is be there for her when she decides she has had enough. A woman in a abusive, controlled relationship needs to hit a "rock bottom" moment before she realizes that it's time to get out. My step sister who was one of a very few people my ex would let me talk to threatened to stop talking to me and followed through because I kept saying "I can't leave because..." and it still took me 4 months after that to leave.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:03 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Thanks everyone. I guess, at this point, we've done what we've can and all we can really do is just trust that she'll make the best choice. The only thing that concerns me (and this probably makes me sound bad) is that she's been known to go back and forth and back and forth within the same week, even day and I'm leaving in the next couple of weeks to be with my husband who is in another country and there is just no way I can emotionally deal with the back and forth when I have to get ready to leave. Plus, I have my daughter to think of too so I just don't know what to do. I don't think she's in danger but her situation is definitely not good for her or her baby which is why I'm worried.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • It's hard when we can so clearly see a way out for them and they cannot see it,isn't it? I think all you can do is gently remind her that you love her and will be there for her.You can continue to tell her to leave,but she knows how u feel, just keep being there.You are right,you have your own life and it is ok to say"Hey I love you sis but I have to take care of MY stuff." It's ok to do that.I had to learn this w/my brother,that I cannot live my life saying"I wonder what bro might need tomorrow"It is hard but you cannot save her hon,she has to save herself.As far as a judge-he will frown more on her for staying with this man, than if she left.You're a good sister.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:12 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

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