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can we do this??

if my babys father and i are getting divorced and obviously gonna have to go to domestic relations for custody can we come up with our own agreement? like can he pay less if he only gets days and not the complete overnight and were both fine with it? we live in pa. he wants to be around but i know he doesnt wanna pay alot and i dont want to leave my baby with him bc he has a bad background.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (10)
  • If you both can come to an agreement about a custody arrangement, I think most courts will accept it as long as it's what is best for the child.

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 11:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • im not sure if i understand your question. but, yes you can come up with your own custody agreements and child support agreements, as long as you both agree no one asks any questions.
    "can he pay less if he only gets days and not over nights" im a little confused by this. if i understand right... can he pay less child support if he sees the child less? like i said if you guys agree on an amount it can be whatever. but custody and child support are different issues, one does not have anything to do with another.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 11:49 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • even if i dont ask for alot of money? i mean anything is better than nothing right? i dont want his help but i know theyll make him pay so itll be easier if we can work it out our way. im just scared something will happen to my baby while with him. he does drugs and drinks underage and has gotten a dozen tickets in 2 years and 3 accidents so im afraid. i can deal with some hours during the day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • it doesnt matter how much he pays as long as you two agree on it. BUT even if he doesnt pay much in child support he can still have visitation of the child. most states dont let the noncustodial parent keep a child under two years of age overnight anyway. If youre planning on breastfeeding youll get to supervise the visits because youll have to be there to feed the child.
    if you can prove that your child will be in some sort of danger with him the judge may grant him only supervised visitation but thats not permanent.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 11:58 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • yeah im just saying lower the amount of support and he gets less visitation then he would if he fought. which i dont think hell have a problem with. my one lawyer said as soon as the baby starts eating solids he can get overnights. and she said its rare for there to be supervised visits. theylll make me pump if needed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I knew a family that had 6 kids and did not envolve the courts at all except for the divorce part. The dad paid for school clothes and extra things like field trips and such and he got to see the kids whenever it was good for everyone. They seemed to have a better and more civil relationship once they were out of the same house than when they were together. If you are already talking to a divorce lawyer maybe they can help you out with these q's as well..Good luck

    Answer by ReneeLRS at 12:03 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • yeah if you guys can work it out you dont actually need a court to decide anything for you. i think its just easier if its in writing and can be inforced, but you may have a better relationship w/ your ex than i do with mine.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 12:06 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • ooh no we dont. i havent seen him since the day we split up and he had a girl and her kid in there that week. he doesnt know a thing about the baby. he never cared to ask.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • lol, okay then court would definitely be the way to go!

    Answer by Chandra034 at 12:10 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • yeah i def want it written and enforced...i just want to be able to make an agreement with him instead of fight.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

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