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Which is better?

Sex, masterbation, or a toy?

I love my husband but no matter what I have tried to tell him over the years, it's like he doesn't listen... so I just get through sex and then bring out a toy to actually have an "O." I'll even avoid having sex just because it is too much work for so little reward (luckily, I must be married to the man with the lowest sex drive on the planet! LOL).

And before anyone bashes me for not having sex with my husband, neither of us has much of a sex drive, and we are intimate in other ways (talking and reading together every night) and no, neither of us is having an affair (who has the time???).


Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 PM on Jan. 11, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • No offense to the Catholic religion or any other, but so many people have been taught sex is dirty and wrong, but in a marriage, there's nothing wrong with it and I still have to remind myself of that because I do wonder if using toys is against God, if I'm supposed to really enjoy it this much, if now that I can't have babies if I'm doing wrong by continueing etc... I do understand some of what you're going thru and know it's hard but after many years I'm okay with things but some of the hang ups are still here too. I think you need a sex therapist instead of a regular one that might could help if self help books don't interest you.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:54 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Sex is better IMO.
    I do neither of the other two at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • They are all good.

    Since you don't have sex often why don't you let some time go by  then both of you can attack each other with what ever it is that turns you on.



    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 11:58 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Our sex usually involves masturbation and toys.....

    Answer by anetrnlov at 11:58 PM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Sex is definitely the best. The other two will do in an emergency!

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 12:02 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • How do you do that? I don't like to masterbate or use a toy with him watching. Yikes! I grew up Catholic and STILL (15 years after leaving the church) have the feeling that sex is dirty (he does too to some extent but not nearly as bad as me). He has asked several times to use the toy with me and I bust out crying (doesn't help that I need the stupid thing to get off either, it's the only way I can have an orgasm).

    attack each other? That's not really my style. I cannot take any control in sex, I feel so incrediably uncomfortable.

    I wish I wasn't this way but I've tried everything (doctors, therapists, counselling) all to no avail, it all makes me feel even worse so I usually wind up quitting after 5-10 sessions (depends on which we are talking about, the sex therapist only got 6 visits out of me, LOL).

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I'm a little horn dog. Sex is the one are I am always confident. We love to watch each other masturbate. He loves to use toys on me because he knows that while he can make me orgasm without them with them he can throw me into full body convulsions.

    Answer by anetrnlov at 12:08 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • op, have you tried ice cream?

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 12:18 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • SEX!!!!
    I dont use toys unless he is using them with me and I dont masterbate. I just had a baby and cant have sex for 7wks I am going to go crazy here in about a wks when it really hits me. I love having sex with my SO

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I don't know how to tell you to get past the feeling it's dirty.. things our parents/minister etc say to us, or in front of when we're small play a huge role in how we feel about sex later. I always thought it was dirty too but now, I see things differently. Is a proven fact that some women just can't have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. What I did was face away from him, while on top, and used the vibrator so that he couldn't see what I was doing (of course he could hear it and it took some time to get comfortable with that, but first I learned to please myself without him in the room, then with him there, only not seeing me. I couldn't make any noise at all when we first got married but finally, I learned to make a point for him to hear me when it feels good so he'll know that it's the right way. Relax and enjoy, God wants us to please our man in every way.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:21 AM on Jan. 12, 2009