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how do i convince my babys father to come back into her life?

my baby's father and i broke up before i found out i was pregnant and when i found out he was the first to know. he denied it was his from the start. 7 months months of arguing and fights and he finally came back into my life. we weren't together but getting along. he was involved in my doctors appointments, he was there for my 19 hours of labor and watched her being born. for the first 5 weeks of her life he stayed at my house for the weekend and spent time with her then all of a sudden hes gone again. hes denying her again shes now over 2 months old and hes missed out on so much. i want him to be in her life but he wont sign the paper to get the dna test. i can tell her loves her but he wont come around and it brings me to tears. i dont know how to get threw to him or why hes acting the way he is.

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iloveshealyn

Asked by iloveshealyn at 10:15 AM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Request a DNA test through the courts and when the courts say..hey you are the father..
    have him pay childsupport..You said he loves her...I do not totally believe that..Love would bring him to her. I do not believe you can convince him to do anything. But you can have the courts make him take responsibility.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:19 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • It sounds like you want him in YOUR life, not just your daughter's life.

    I completely agree with Dannee - he needs to take responsibility for that child.

    He sounds very young.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 10:21 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • maybe he is scared of the responsibility... i dont know... tell him how u feel and pray about it.. i will pray for you too. u cant really make him do what u want but u can encourage him... try to send the baby around his family if u have contact with his mom or grandparents or siblings whatever he has. but dont smother him or pressure him even though i know u want too because its his job 2.... i know the feeling girl.. ur not the only one
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • yea u could make the courts forcehim to do things money wise but at the same time that will cause conflict between you and him.. u may not be together but u shouldnt be hating each other.. give him a little time and see if he comes around... cause yea he will help give child support because its the law but that doesnt mean he will come see her. or get her.. he can just mail money.. u and him need a decent relationship cuz if yall are baby mom and dad who hate each other its gonna be hard arranging visits.. and u dont ever weanna have a sour relationship with anyone u have to deal with
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • You can't. I agree with some of the other posters about maybe you want him in your life, you want you 3 to be a family? Sounds like it. You can't make him do it but you can take him to court for child support which you should do. My daughter's "father" didn't know her for 9-1/2 years and then was in her life for a year or so and now doesn't have contact at all. It's heart wrenching.

    Just be the best mom you can be and never let your daughter hear you talk negatively about him to others or let her hear you arguing with him. Always say nice things about him to her when she asks about him. It will make her grow up with good thoughts and not bitter for not having him in her life.

    pamkay414

    Answer by pamkay414 at 10:47 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Perhaps if he has an investment in her he'll come back. Go to the state. Sign up for child support. They will Court order him to get the DNA test. Once proven that he is the father he will have to invest his money into the responsibility to care for her. With that, he may come back to be a part of her life as well.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:59 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I agree to go to court and request a DNA test even if you're not asking for money (just so your daughter knows who her Daddy is without a doubt and so does he). If you're willing to pay for the test, then what judge wouldn't order it for medical history alone. If you want him in your life as well, you'd better tread carefully tho, if he thinks you're after his money or trying to use the child to get him back, then he'll pull hard in the other direction but the sooner you get the name on the birth certificate and prove to him he IS the dad, the better for everyone. Doesn't mean he'll have anything to do with her but what he's not thinking about is back child support if he finally agrees to do it years down the road.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:04 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I'm not in this situation, but I'm speaking from knowledge of coming from a split family. My mother desperately wanted my father in my life, so she did indeed, have him back and forth for many years. We both look back and concur...Why, he just burdened our lives. My mom would have done ,so much better, without him around. But she was stuck in the mode of, " I want my daughter to have a father." Bottom line, we don't always pick the best father for our children, and unfortunetely, we can't take that "one" back. We mess that up sometimes, and we just have to say, ok I'm flying this solo and move on. There are plenty of good men out there that would love to be a healthy father figure to your child. Best of luck.
    doublefistin

    Answer by doublefistin at 11:20 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Well, I know how hard it is being a mother and the dad not being around or wanting to come around. However, I would be better off if he just would have left her alone a long time ago and she didn't remember him instead of him coming back and forth like he does. I am remarried and she calls my husband now dad but she loves her real dad and everytime he comes around she runs but she cries when he won't come around. You can get child support but let me tell you it is not worth it. If he is already doing it then it is never going to get better and it will be better for you and the child for him not to be around.
    momwifelove

    Answer by momwifelove at 11:58 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

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