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DH tells me that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore. He says he loves me, but that things have changed. I have missed everything. I don't know what he is talking about. I am thinking he is going through midlife crisis, but I don't know what to do to heal our marriage. Has anyone else gone through this and what did you do that helped strengthen your relationship? (I asked if he was seeing someone else and he says no. Just says that he feels unhappy and thinks that I seem unhappy as well)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • Tell him change can be good. Take the changes and make them work for you. Find each other as these new "changed" ppl. You fell in love with the spirit within. The only major changes are from growth. Take the wisdom learned in that growth to get to know each other again and fall in love all over again. Make dates. Get to know what he really enjoys (again). Spend time with just him. Talk. So many ppl don't talk with each other anymore. They talk at one another but don't really hear what the other is saying. You can turn this around. His "want to" is just tired. Give it a jump start.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:34 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I just went threw this too! He told me I'm nagging at him too much. I've been praying really hard and have been really nice to him. Things are getting better and were going to start going on more dates. We have 3 kids and we hardly ever get to do anything! You guys should take a trip together. Do you guys have kids?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Marriage is Ups and downs, ups and downs. It's hard work to keep things going. But don't settle for "things" have changed. If "things" have changed...what things? It's not fair to throw "things" at you. He needs to give specifics, so you have a shot at working on it. How can you fix it, if you don't know what's broke. Sit down, ask him questions. Get answers, don't settle for "I don't knows" or "I can't explain." You must get down to the source of the problem to solve it. Hey, this won't be easy...men think talking and showing emotions in being a pus. Might take a couple shots. Also, you put it out there too. Good luck.
    doublefistin

    Answer by doublefistin at 10:43 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Sounds to me like you're in a marital rut. I'd suggest time alone, date night, and just have some fun together doing things you both enjoy doing whether it's sitting and watching a movie at home with a bag of popcorn or dining out, fishing, whatever you like to do... and family time too.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:43 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • OP here, you guys are awesome. Seriously, I am a ball of tears right now from your supportive answers. Yes, we have two kis and we don't have family around us. It's hard to plan trips away and we just found a good babysitter, so that might help. I just bought the book the Five Love Languages, as I feel we are missing each other's intent toward one another. I am willing to take ownership of the things I have neglected (and I have), but I need for him to do the same. I am just hoping and praying that we can heal our marriage. Thanks again for the wonderful insightful answers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • You're very welcome. I forgot to mention what I say most often... casual touching helps bring some spark back in to a lifeless marriage. I find that even if it's just walking by him at the computer, if I reach over and touch his shoulder, rub his arm, pat his backside, or at night just be touching him with my feet/hands that it makes me feel closer to him. Helps to praise him for the good things he does too, makes him feel wanted and needed and he'll in turn eventually start doing the same for you such as "thank you so much for taking out the trash this morning, I appreciate it and it was so nice of you to do it, thank you's and I really appreciate... goes a long way.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:18 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I compliment him often and thank him for many of the things he does around the house, even the one's that are 'his' responsibility (like the lawn). When he is busy I try to take the load off of him by doing the things that he normally does on his days off, so that we can spend more time as a family. I think it's the closeness between the two of us though. I think he is a more physical person. Well, I know he is. I guess in a sense, I am not getting what I need either, but I really need to figure out what that is (hence, the book). Day to day life sometimes takes over and we neglect each other's needs and I guess this is the result. We need to reassess our priorities and put each other at the top like we once were. The kids are important, but at this point I feel that if we don't put each other first, then it has a bigger chance to fall apart.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jan. 12, 2009