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Not a patient mother. What to do? Advice please!

I am a single mom of 3. They range in age from teenager to toddler. I have hardly any patience at all. I don't have anyone to help me most of the time. What do I do when I feel like I am getting to the end of my rope? I hate the idea of yelling but do it. I know it's wrong and I need to stop.

What are some ideas for how to gain patience with my children? I don't want to be the mother I had. I don't want to scare my kids but I want them to respect me. If I react with anger they will react angrily. It's easier said than done though. Please help and flame if you want. I know some of you will. It's natural here.

Thanks.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Jan. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Everyone needs a support system - maybe you can reach out to people at your church? In a playgroup? Also having a set schedule helps. If everyone knows what they're supposed to be doing, maybe it will take some of the burden off of you.

    I have a big Momma ROAR and am not afraid to use it - gets their attention and then I can say what I want.

    I think it is OK to be frustrated in your situation and you need to know that. You are also trying to make it better and that's awesome!
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 10:41 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I take a deep breath, calm myself down an approach the whole situation differently.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Hey, Support is what you need. WE ARE HERE, WELL I AM IF YOU NEED TO TALK. I have 4 kids from 5-12 years of age. I am the same way with a husband who the kids don't see (meaning I can be in the shower and they say: Mom I need or want this.) Take a time out, when you see your getting angry go into the bathroom, and say Mom needs a time out, pick up a book and read a little, just get out of the situation, I am doing much better, not proud to say I have a cigarette break when I am at my witts end. I am working on quiting that.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:49 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Continued from the last answer:
    There father is there, but the kids act like they can't see him. LOLOL
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:54 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • This is what I would do first. Ask your oldest to step up. It is time that the teenagers start acting helpful and look at things with a more adult perspective. If it takes you exploding at them to get them to notice do it. Talk to your kids. When noone is upset. Sit down and tell them you feel like you are drowning. And not one of your kids cares enough to throw you a rope. That is what it feels like. Decide on the rules of conduct for your house. Look into The 21 Rules of This House.
    It is a good book.
    I really wish I could come over and help! I'm sorry. :*(
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 10:59 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I try asking my self " is this REALLY important?" before I explode. Sometimes, I explode before I think about the situation. Then I feel bad.

    When you walk in the door, clear your head of things that can wait for tomorrow. Concentrate on the moment. And know that those stressful "moments" will end shortly.

    Realize the respect will come if you are a strong leader. Not short tempered, but even headed, and down to business. We are women, and are quick to act on emotion. Start training yourself to act on logic, and facts, instead of emotion.

    I hope this helps! Raising children is not easy. There are times I want run away.
    my4lads

    Answer by my4lads at 11:13 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Oh! And remember.... stressing about things you can't change is a wast of energy.
    my4lads

    Answer by my4lads at 11:14 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • KFree907: This happens to me too! When Dad is available and I'm not, I'll tell the kids, "Do you see your father sitting right there?!"  I have a wonderful husband who is very capable and willing, but the kids have the habit of saying, "Moooooom!" for everything they want.  *fume*


    To the original poster:  I understand the struggle as I deal with my temper as well.  I have a hormone imbalance for which I use progesterone cream and that helps.  5-HTP is a natural supplement that helps to balance and calm also. 


    Remember, too, that our children must learn to treat others as they want to be treated.   DH and I have pulled away all forms of electronic entertainment from our children in order to combat their gargantuan sense of entitlement.  We'll see if that removes at least some of my current stress!

    TexaBamaBaby

    Answer by TexaBamaBaby at 11:27 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I try to get very quiet. I always found it way more frightening when my grandfather would speak in an extremely calm, almost whisper. Wow. You HAD to pay attention then. It was amazing. I had a teacher who did that as well. After 2 weeks of him speaking sternly, but quietly, we were the best kids around. You just didn't want to cross him.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 11:30 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • So many good ideas already said here. One good idea I see here is the 'time out' for mom. I learned that from a former coworker who would lock herself in the bathroom when she felt she was about to explode. It worked for me too. I'm a single mom too and it is difficult to set a solid support system especially since both my kids have special needs. They are 12 and 10. As my kids have gotten older they get more little chores. (It's also like part of their therapy.) It has helped alot when I see them , for example, picking up their toys before bed as I do the dishes. Yes, I still have the 'mom roar' and the 'uh oh mom's tapping her foot' super powers!
    saltycoqui

    Answer by saltycoqui at 11:30 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

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