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How should I handle my daughter when it comes to boys?

My daughter is growing up, and we found a note to a boy stating: To the boy: You said you would be my boyfriend again, if I kiss you, but you have a girlfriend. Were you trying to get me jealous? I don't trust you. From: my daughter. Now, I spoke to her like a did not find the letter, telling her don't do what you don't want to do, and if a boy wants you to do something that you don't want to do and that will make him be with you, then he really don't like you to begin with. Basically, trying to give her something to go with, without letting her know I read the letter. Any other suggestions, yes my daughter already knows about STD's.

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Asked by KFree907 at 11:51 AM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 20 (8,947 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I think you just have to remind her that you are here for her. Tell her what you expect and what you think. Remind her that in the end the decision is hers and that you are there for her no matter what. I think as long as she knows she can come to you with anything then you should be okay.

    I know for me we are always talking about the kids at school and what is going on. We talk about who likes who and if people are dating. My son knows that I think he is to young to date, but if he came home and told me he liked a girl we would not be made at him. We would talk about it.

    Good Luck and just remember to keep the lines of communication open.

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 11:57 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Tell her boys have cooties. Just kidding. The only thing I would have done different is ... I would have told her I found the letter in the laundry or where ever, and start the conversation by telling her you respect her and her decisions. This concerns you because you would rather she wait for boy that is able to respect her and her feelings. And it sounds like that is how the conversation went. Good job. :)

    Answer by MomShawn70 at 11:59 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I would be honest with her and say you found the letter and that you dont want her to ever feel she cannot come to you with any boy issues. That is what I did and I always told my dd and sons even if its something they think I dont want to know about to tell me because I am there to help them and not judge or punish them. I would say you know if you like this boy thats cool but dont make him think he can push you around or make you feel bad if you dont kiss him. You kiss boys that treat you well and you deserve a great gf like the one I know you will make. Open and honesty is always better.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:04 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I'd tell her about mono for one thing. After the kiss then boys want to see if they can cop a feel then it's "if you love me you'll have sex with me". Ask her how far she is willing to go to show these boys she has low self esteem? Tell her it's usually just a joke among boys to see who they can get to do what with them. Tell her yes boys kiss and tell. Ask her if she wants the world to know she shows no self restraint and exhibits no self respect? Tell her that you love her and want to help her through this adolescent bs that has gone on for centuries. Tell her she can be strong and can learn from this bc those boys are going to grow up to be men who treat her the same way. Tell her to learn the difference between being her own female self and being someone with a penis's sex toy who has no value to him. Ask her if she wants to be measured for her stripper's pole now or after graduation?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Take it with a grain of salt but use this as a starting point for conversations. This is when they get secretive and might not want to share things. Don't try to be her friend about it, be her mother and make sure you listen. If you are confrontational about it, there won't be any real conversations. I teach middle school and find these types of notes daily. Thankfully there wasn't sex acts involved in yours. Make sure t doesn't get to that point.

    Answer by ConnorsMommy521 at 12:16 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I know some of the other woman told you to tell her you found the letter, but here is the flip side of that. My mom found my note to my 1st boyfriend and confronted me about it. I twisted and turned and lied my way out of it. she claimed she found it in the laundry but I know she didn't. I felt I could never trust HER.
    At some point I think you need to trust that you taught your children enough to make the right choices. And according to your daughters note, she handled the situation. I think you did the right thing by not telling her you found her note and reminding her not to do anything she doesn't want to.

    Answer by Ddamsel at 7:59 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

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