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A deadbeat dad...

So here's the deal...my daughter had what you'd call a "dead beat dad". We were married a year and I divorced him for abuse and alcohol and drug abuse. The whole time we were married I supported me and my daughter and since she's been born he's spent less than $100 on her (she's 3 now). This sounds bad, but he's pretty much only been a sperm donor as far as being a dad is concerned. Well he is furious bc our daughter that I have full custody of has stated calling my bf daddy. He's been more of a dad to her than anyone. I've even told my X that and that just resulted in getting yelled at, called ever name inthe book, and hung up on. He lives about 5 hrs away and has only came and seen her 3 times in the past 2 years and calls maybe 2-3 times a month. What should I tell him or what should I do? And also what should I tell her about her real dad when she gets older?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Well since your dd is only 3 I am guessing you felt the need to tell him she calls the bf dad? Why? She is far too young to know what is going on and shouldnt be put in the middle or anything like that. My ex was a deadbeat too and has only seen his kids 4 times in 11 yrs. I never bad mouthed him or even discussed him. Life is too short. Now my kids are teens and they figured out on their own hes a deadbeat peice of junk. Thats his karma I figure. My kids know I am here for them and always have been. They dont call my husband dad, he isnt their dad. He is my husband and their step dad. We never said they couldnt but it isnt his place to be called dad, even if he is more of one then their own. Let her make the choice and never bad mouth him. As she gets older she will figure it out. And dont tell you ex anything. Who needs the drama?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:08 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • How long have you been with your boyfriend? Is is appropriate in any case for her to be calling him dad. IF you plan on being with him forever, and he has been in your life for a while now then I would think it would be ok. My friend confused her kids and mine. We were at the supermarket, and my daughter said that is _____ dad, when they split, it was over and he is not the first. I was embarrassed but kids don't know any better.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 12:11 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Even though your X is a deadbeat dad your daughter should still know that she does have another father besides your BF..in my opinion. My daughter is adopted and she sees her father 4 times a year..(her adopted father)She calls my BF Daddy Robbie..She knows that she has another day that lives far away and see only sees now and then. My BF to me is her father figure.
    But the reality is they have two fathers. Between me and you :) I would love it if she called my BF just Daddy. Just be honest with her...at the age she is now and always. Good Luck
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:15 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Well, I've actually been in a similar spot. My son's biological father signed away his paternal rights and my husband adopted our son. That said -- I guess I find myself wondering why you called or told your EX at all? It seems like you only did it to piss him off, also if she's three.. she didn't choose to call your BF Daddy, she's repeating something you say or someone else is encouraging. Just seems like you're trying to punish him for being a deadbeat - which is childish. (This is based on what detail you gave, and how it comes across) If Dad isn't paying child support make sure you have filed something for it. Legally BF isn't Dad. You can't just act like her Dad doesn't exist - BF isn't on the birth certificate.
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 12:45 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Well see I didnt tell my ex about this. He came here around Christmas and we were at McDonald's and he heard her call my bf that. Also, no one has told her to call my bf Daddy she started that on her own. When me and my ex first split me and my daughter stayed with my parents and in that time my daughter started calling my dad (her grandpa) daddy and still occasionally does bc that's what me and my siblings call my dad. And yes I do plan on being with this guy for a long time and hopefully it'll turn int marriage when the time is right. What do I tell the ex? I don't bad mouth him in front of her, I honestly don't ever say anything about him at all and she never says anything about him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

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