Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

fighting after deployment?

my husband just got home from a deployment, and after a year of being away from each other, times are hard. we are having a hard time adjusting to being back together in the same house. we have been fighting and he has only been home 5 days. why the hell is this happening and how do i fix it? i know we love each other but im not sure how much longer this could last! we have both mentioned divorce, but dammit, i dont want a divorce!!!! HELP, please?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • He probably needs individual counseling and you both should look into marital counseling. He has been away a long time and may also have issues with what he saw and went through.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:32 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • **he will not do counseling! he is so damn stubborn, and he is "too much of a man" to talk about his problems. and its hurting me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Was he in korea?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Have you talked to his commander?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:37 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • no, afghanistan
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I would ask him if he was cheating on you at all while he was gone. Im not saying accuse but it doesn't hurt to ask and see how he acts or what he says.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Usually most people say it takes at least 3o days to get " requainted with each other". My dh went through this when he first got home in may and we still have some arguments 8 months later. Try explaining to him that you love him very much and divorce is not something you want to do at the moment. Also let him know that your gonna be there if he needs to talk because most of these guys do they just dont know how to come out and say it..The last thing i told my dh was " I dont care what you had to do over there, i will never love you any less for it". Most men are afraid if us as wives found outabout thigns they saw, went through or did that we wont love them any more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • There not allowed to do that when deployed but some ppl find ways
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My DH was deployed to Iraq for 15 months and didn't get to come home for 2 weeks either. I know what your going threw. First of all STOP FIGHTING. Sit down and find out what is the problem. Me and my DH always said "If you were having problems before the deployment , thows problems will still be their when he returns" You need to figure out if it is a relationship problem or a problem he is having ajusting back to the real life. Not in combate any more.  GL

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:42 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • This happens a lot after a long deployment. My husband and I were the same way. I thought it would never get better. You cannot do anything about him but you can do something about yourself. First, he's only been home for 5 days. He needs time to readjust. Don't pester him or nag him. Give him a chance to get used to being back at home before you ask him to do things (even little things). When you all do start fighting, walk away. Do not engage him in the fight, do not snap back at him. Walk away, go to another room. If he follows you, tell him you do not want to fight and are calming down and to please let you be. Say it nicely, do not yell. Remember, you will not know half the stuff he had to do over there. It is something he needs to learn to deal with and the best way is to give him space.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN