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how can i get his father to realize what he is creating?

this 10yr old will not bathe, brush his teeth, change his clothes, keep his room half way clean where you can at least enter the room, get up and use bathroom in middle of the night instead of peeing the bed. If we ask him to do anything he whine, complains, cries and if he does it you can not tell he's done anything(dishes, vacuum)....I am to the point where I would rather be at work than home!

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frustrated1972

Asked by frustrated1972 at 12:38 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (8)
  • Is this your SK? Is that why you are deferring to the father?

    What do his teachers say? When was his last checkup w/a doc?
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:00 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Why is a ten year old doing housework? I do understand why he needs to clean himself and his room but he may be rebelling for some sort of control over his life if you are making him be the maid bc you work. He's a kid. Try letting him be a kid. As for the teeth brushing, take him to the dentist. It's possible he has sensitive teeth. If he ends up with cavities he might start brushing. Draw his bath and just tell him to get in and bathe or you (or dad) will help him. If he is wetting the bed it's because he has a small bladder or bc no one reminds him to urinate before he goes to bed or he has an emotional problem (*my guess is for being yelled at all the time). Even ten yr olds need supervision and guidance. Be a responsible parent for goodness sakes and not his lord and master with a whip making him do adult chores.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • As far as chores, I fully believe in children doing chores and housework at an early age. We make a chart each week for chores, dependant on their age, how busy they are that night(easier chores on basketball nights). Their allowance is determined by how well they do their chores. If they complain and do it partially, some money gets taken out of their allowance. If they flat out refuse more gets taken out. Allowance is spent however they wish. If they want to spend it all on candy the day they get it, f ine. Doesnt mean I let them eat it all, but they sure can buy it!

    Another thing Ive seen is writing different chores on slips of paper and putting them in a bowl and allowing them to pick one. Sometimes they get something simple like washing the bathroom mirror, other times its emptying the dishwasher. I would suggest starting out with a lot of easy ones and every now and then add a couple harder ones.
    ladybug629

    Answer by ladybug629 at 9:08 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • WOW ANON you have some balls...oh wait no you don't you hid your identity. I would too if I had the audacity to make those harsh allegations. I feel there is NOTHING wrong with a child having responsibilities. My children always have and they are wonderful kids. Frustrated1973 I am sorry for the ignorant response you were given. I would try and talk to him which I am sure you have. See if there is something bothering me. It sounds as though he may have some kind of behavioral or emotional problem that needs fixing. I am sorry you are going through this. I really have no other advice to give you other than find the root of the problem and go form there. Good luck to you hon.
    happyathomemum

    Answer by happyathomemum at 9:35 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Well said happyathomemum. I was thinking the same thing. OH I would take stuff away, if he can't treat it right (clothing and toys) take them away and he can earn them back by doing house hold chores and such. As far as the crying, it must work to a certain degree or he wouldn't be doing it. Make sure that when he whines and cries, you ignore it and don't give in. They will only do it if you let them. This isn't to make you fell like crap, but take a look and see what reaction he gets when he does this. It must be working to some degree if he is still doing it.
    ConnorsMommy521

    Answer by ConnorsMommy521 at 12:24 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I can't believe anon!! giving children some household responsibilities is healthy. When did having a ten yr old do dishes or vacumm turn them into a maid? My seven and eight yr olds vacumm!!
    hotrodlassie

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 12:09 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Wow Anon must not really have kids. I would first make an appt with his Dr and make sure that everything is ok (physically, mentally, emotionally) and if he passes that test that's when the privileges start disappearing. Since the room is already in such a horrendous state you are going to have to go in there with him and get it back in order (or do what i did to my 12 yr DD clean it when she was gone and then she had no say over what stayed and what went) and expect it to stay that way.. he wants to watch tv.. is your your room clean?? play a video game .. hows that room?? Its gotten so my kids know better than to ask if their chores aren't done cause they've figured it's not worth lying and losing the privilege for a week.
    xmasbaby73

    Answer by xmasbaby73 at 3:28 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • that person who answered anon is a jerk. I think that kids are just lazy these days. I know for a fact that it is a good thing to teach your children responsibility at an early age. My daughter cleans her room and puts her own clothes away and several other chores. She likes to help out. As far as peeing the bed, maybe he is afriad of the dark?
    MomnVa

    Answer by MomnVa at 7:03 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

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