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Friends of the opposite sex

Been married 12yrs. I've had lunch with guys from work, even a male roomate when we were dating. There was never a prob...always mr laid back. So I've had a guy friend forever but he's been in the service since HS they never really met but was aware that we KIT. He came back, ran into eachother + had an impromptu lunch+ set up a time to get the fam together. I was sure to tell him when i got home but didnt get much of a response when I did-he was on the computer!. So the "fam" thing comes along, everyone except him had a BLAST. Now he's finding any excuse to be mad at me. Yes this friend is a single "player" type but hello... theres no history there. We've been together 12 years! NOW he has an issue!



This friend is back in my life. How do I get the hub to talk + not act like our 3yr old! Is it wrong to have friends of opp sex??

Answer Question
 
MommaD2

Asked by MommaD2 at 1:18 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • If your partner is uncomfortable with it for whatever reason then in my opinion its wrong .
    It has to be okay for everyone involved or there will be a rift and problems.
    Meshell7

    Answer by Meshell7 at 1:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I don't see a problem. If you dh has never been the jealous type but is with this guy then there must be something that feels not right to him. Im not saying you are doing anything, but your friend might have other intentions? or be more flirtatious? or maybe your husband is just picking up on weird vibes. I don't know but it is weird that he would mind this guy any more than any other male friends of yours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • i would have to agree partly with meshell7. you should respect your husbands feelings but yet i think he is being narrow minded too. if you could just make sure that you keep your friendship like you had it before where you don't meet with him for lunches or talk with him to much he might come around and see that he is still number one. set boundaries you both can accept and live with.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:26 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Since he is having a problem, assure him that you'll never see the guy unless your husband is there, and you won't talk on the phone unless the husband is there. I am thinking that if it were a woman that my husband knew that I'd be uncomfortable, even though I trust my husband. So getting together with your friend and his date and you and your husband... this might work. Be completely open with your husband. If he just won't accept it, then he has to come first and sadly your friend must be the one to go. I don't suppose it would work to have him to your place when your husband is there for a meal?
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:30 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Yep I agree since he is your husband he comes before all other men in your life and if he is uncomfortable with it then you should respect him. There's a few guys that my fiancee is okay with and they are his friends as well and then there are some that he just doesn't trust and doesn't like and I understand
    HollyRose

    Answer by HollyRose at 1:46 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I respect and love my husband very much. Obviously I put my life with him before everything else. But I put everything above me all the time and damn-it I shouldnt have to give up the one friend Ive had since forever. I've set aside friends, career. I've given up a lot. I just hate to have to give up this friendship for a man when half the time I question if he loves me or just cares but NEEDS me. I know this sounds selfish but Im never selfish!! Its the harsh truth

    I dont see how a family get together is any different than having him here to the house. Maybe it is the vibes thing... I dont know. But I wont know unless he'll tell me and he wont. He wont say NO you cant be friends....thats just not him. I just dont know how to get him to deal with it like an adult and talk it out!!!
    MommaD2

    Answer by MommaD2 at 2:16 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

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