Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Fearing peer influence

My 13 yo told me last week that a long time friend of hers is pregnant. This friend is 14 and in the 8th grade. There are other friends of hers from the neighborhood are also having sex, smoking weed, etc. How do I keep my daughter from following in their footsteps? She just spent the night with the pregnant friend this weekend, and I was so worried they wouldn't be properly supervised! At the same time, I don't want to teach her to abandon her friends when things get hard for them.

Answer Question
 
AngieG.

Asked by AngieG. at 1:32 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (138 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • It's hard to say, not knowing your daughter and what kind of girl she is. Typically friends are similar people in one way or another, but that doesn't mean they nessessarily do the same things. I'm sure you've already had the bird and the bees talk with her, but I would use her friends pregnancy as an opener to talk about it again. I would also encourage her to get on birth control before she becomes sexually active, and if she already was, I would make an appt. for her to go get checked out. Even if she's not sexually active, she might have some questions or concerns about it, and being that she probably got her information from her friends, and it would be good if she knew real facts, because maybe one day one of her friends would come to her for advice, she would have good factual advice to give.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My daughter's really shy. Doesn't have a boyfriend or go out with friends a lot. She told me not too long ago that she is the only one of her friends who hasn't kissed a boy yet. I guess I'm most worreid that she'll get into a situation with these kids that she's not prepared for. As of now, she plans to adopt when she's older so she can avoid sex altogether!
    AngieG.

    Answer by AngieG. at 2:12 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • That's a rough spot and your right, she shouldn't dump friends because of a few bad choices. I honestly believe that communication is key when it comes to children and peer pressure, and it should start from the minute they leave the womb. My 16 year old DD's friends smoke, some have done drugs, and most are sexually active, but not my DD he friends call her the "nun", she is also very honest with me about it (her friends are always surprised by how much I do know). she also know's where I stand on each of these issues, she is free to be thier friends but if I ever find that she has done any of it the friendships are over, and her consequences will begin, even those are predetermined. I do trust her, I also realise she is 16, so I am not blind.

    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 2:19 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • continued....

    My 15 year old DD's bestfriends sister just had a baby at 16...barely. It opened another door of discussion between me and my kids. Talk...be open honest and frank, at 13 she probably know more then most of us did at that age.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 2:19 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Agree with the "communication" referred to in the previous replies. As long as they have been long-time friends, the pregnant girl may just need more support from your daughter right now--it's gotta be scary for her going through a pregnancy at such a young age. And, maybe it'll be a reminder to your daughter as to what sex can result in. I'd just be sure there is the supervision that you mentioned and I'd even call ahead if I had to in order to make sure there is an adult present--regardless of pregnancies, drugs, etc. Teens will be teens and we, as adults, have to do the same -- be the adult and check on a few things along the way to protect our kids. Hope it helps. C.

    Squirrel1001

    Answer by Squirrel1001 at 7:22 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.