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Failed Adoption?

I am a birth mother, as many may know. And for a while, I was having nightmares about the adoptive parents of my daughter deciding they no longer wanted her (which have no basis other than my own fears and frustrations). I suppose my question would be to adoptive parents. If there was a chance you felt that you could no longer care for your child and wanted to give the child up....would you contact the child's birth family to see if they were in a position to take the child back? Would you fight to make that possible if the agency or lawyer you went thru only want the child to go to the next prospective adoptive couple in line? It is an honest question and I don't want to offend anyone....

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randi1978

Asked by randi1978 at 1:34 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Adoption

Level 4 (43 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • For your ?....you mean if the adopted child was a new born???
    My daughter is 4 (adopted at birth) and ofcourse I would and have never wanted to give her back.
    I would hope and think that adopting parents are nothing like your nightmares. I think what your are dreaming is very valid...your worried about your child.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:38 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • We have it in our wills that if we were both to die, very close friends of ours will get DD. So I would just imagine that if the horribly unthinkable would happen and we felt that we could no longer give DD what she physically and emotionally needed by ourselves or with the help of others, we would want her to go to the people who we had previously chosen to raise her.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My daughter is 19 months old, adopted at birth. I guess I was just wondering, regardless of the age of the child. Not neccessarilly a newborn.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 1:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I am speaking of a totally failed adoption where the adoptive family as a whole either cannot care for the child or chooses not to.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 1:49 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I am not an adoptive mom (yet?) but I have wondered the same thing. It seems to me that a lot of bmoms have completely different life circumstances a few years later, where they could possible be available to raise the baby if the Aparents were not able to anymore. --- Interesting question!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 2:10 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • A totally failed adoption no matter at what age..I can speak for myself..I would not have my daughter go to her birthfamily ..I say that because she is 4 1/2 and still has a living birthfather, and she has living relatives such as my parents and siblings.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:10 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I think much has to do with why the child was adopted in the first place. In my case we are adopting my grandchildren and I forsee do way in which I would ever want them to go back to my daughter. They don't know her and we would rather she be raised by family members that they do know. As far as older children as a foster mom I had a boy placed with me from an adoptive home. Best thing that ever happened to him. Thru time I was able to help him work thru his problems and he is now adopted by a family in our church that is great for him.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 2:16 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I am an adoptive mother and first of all, I can assure you beyond doubt, there is no way I would ever give up my children by deciding I didn't want them anymore, they are my children. Secondly, if there was a situation where I absolutely could not care for them or if I died, no they would not go to their birth family or another family of the birth mother's choosing. They would go to live with our dearest friends, Scott and Paulette, whom we've designated to be their guardians in such an event.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 2:16 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • yes, of course. I think that would only make sense. however, our DD was adopted at birth (she is now 16 months old) and we LOVE HER SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! SHE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE! hehehehe! but I know what your asking. and I agree with someone above me in saying, your fears are valid, but most adoptive families REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT those children they are raising! hope that helps!
    JayGirlsMom

    Answer by JayGirlsMom at 3:41 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • The agency or lawyer does not really have a say in what ultimately happens to my child. Until you terminate your parental rights then you do not have to do anything you don't want to. Hopefully you are able to pick the adoptive couple you want for your child. Next in line, should the perspective adoptive parents change their mind, would also be another couple of your choice. Talking about your fears with the agency, the adoptive parents to be, and with those who support only you might be the most benefit. But I can say that as an adoptive parent, from my experience, if we turned down a situation, it always was the expectant mother's right to choose who was going to be met with next. We had to turn down matches - we would often receive 5 or 6 requests a day from an expectant mother and we were only adopting just one child.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:57 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

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