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How do I change a "all about me", teen daughter living in a fantasy bubble?

She doesn't want to do any work for anything, her grades are inconsistent and usually fair to poor, all she cares about are her looks, and communicating in the online reality of her social group. She thinks that she is going to grow up to be a Hot Topics model or a photographer for Vogue. Yet the school is placing her in remedial Language and PE classes for Freshman year, and she says fine it will be easier to pass. Expending any effort, except to apply eyeliner, is just too hard. She got busted for cutting once and I just don't know what to do with her. We ground her and take all her stuff or don't do anything, it doesn't matter. Nothing changes, she just doesn't care.

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Asked by KaceyMc1 at 1:36 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • Just a random thought when I saw this. Maybe try signing her up for a little "saturday fun." Something like helping to feed people at a homeless shelter, habitat for humanity work etc...

    Give her a dose of reality that people are out there working hard every day and she should feel lucky to have a computer, clothes etc...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My kids are teen years through midtwenties. None of them have ever had myspace or facebook. The computers are in use in front of me only and I meet their friends and call their homes and talk to their parents about my concerns. Take away her prizes and turn them into rewards after she meets your rules. Tell the school to call you if she doesn't show, talk weekly w/her teachers with her present. Don't hide yr rules.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • if she is cutting then she need to go to a physc hospital! i was/am a cutter, and it is NOT something to ignore! it is NOT a phase, and everything else needs to come second! they will also not allow her to have makeup or anything else at the hospital, so that might help with other problems! there aren't even mirrors there! PLEASE deal with the cutting FIRST before you try to deal with any of her other problems!!!!!

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 3:03 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I read "cutting" as "cutting class", but I don't know which is true. I would seriously consider picking out her clothes and not allowing make up until she pulls up her grades. It might teach her that school is more than a fashion show and that she is going to need more than makeup to get through life.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 3:58 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • She's crying out for boundaries. First - I would not allow her to use a computer anymore. And I would not let her wear makeup. She may say she hates you and have a huge fit over it. But you need to crack down NOW. It will only get worse. She should be permanently grounded until her grades show consistency and like she cares about them. She should not have any privileges until she earns them. And she as to respect you too. How she is raised should reflect the real world. None of us are entitled to any privileges in life as adults and we have to earn every thing we do and get. Should be the same for teens.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 4:26 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • oh, i read cutting as in cutting herself, i don't know which she is doing either, and if i read wrong, i'm sorry

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 4:59 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • question? are you a part of a church and if you are do they have outreaches for homeless and elderly?
    I have 2 teenage daughters at home and 1 22 yr old. community service is wonderful. mission trips to deep Mexico and Bolivia will change the heart of an ungrateful teen.

    I recommend removing all out side communication and make her a bigger part of the family hour. Setting the table if she doesn't she won't eat, clean her own clothes and put them away. She will care when its for a long period of time. also drive her to school if you are able and pick her up. no social activities will kill her if she is away from it a few weeks.
    another thought apply for modeling schools let her see what is required of her. they want someone who can think for themselves as well. good luck always be ready for anything:)
    being a good mom is not an easy job.


    Answer by teachermomof5 at 6:44 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Oh my......the monsters tht we as parents have created. My now 23 year old darn near killed me I swear lol. You may need to do some tough love. At 14 she is still a child. Make new rules and STICK to them. You have to be consistant. She needs to relearn the basics of the playground rules, "play nice or you cant play at all". The big thing is YOU. She didnt get this way on her own. You have allowed her to act the way she is. She has basically bullied you and you let her. It just gets easier to let her have her way. I know Ive been there. I would suggest counseling for her. And family counseling for all of you. If you think she is bad now.........lets talk again when she is 16 if you dont change things drastically NOW.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 6:56 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Ehh don't feed into her. Don't give her money to spend. My parents never gave me spending money, I had to earn it. I've had a job since I was 16. I know so many kids that were handed whatever they wanted, and they still get whatever. I just laugh because once they get out into the real world they're gonna crap themselves because they won't know how to learn the value of a dollar. I'd also agree with the volunteering thing. Definitely send her down there to do some volunteer work!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • She needs psychiatric treatment. Get her evaluated and get her help. Discipline only works when you have a discipline problem. You don't. You have a psychiatric problem.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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