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How do I control my anger...

when it comes to my DD and sleeping. For the first 7 months, she was up all night. Even now she will wake up and stay up for more than an hr in the middle of the night. She also wakes up easily during her naps (light sleeper like me). It's during these times that I fill up with anger. I just want her to sleep so I can have some time to do things and in the beginning I needed the sleep too. A few times I had gotten so angry that I punched a door and some pillows, I've even cried and I tend to swear during these fits. My DD is now repeating this bad language as soon as she see's me upset. I try to control it but fail more than I succeed. I love my DD like I've never loved anyone so why do I do this? I have such self hatred after the fact (usually subsides within 10 min) and I don't want her to see me this way. I don't want to reflect on her childhood with these memories. Am I alone? Some advice please?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I've felt the way you feel. My daughter is a horrible sleeper. I think that you're expressing some frustration because the one time of day that you can count on as yours---where you can be you and not just your daughter's mom---is being taken away from you. I also understand that some frustration comes because you feel as if you've failed at something because she's not sleeping. Something that's been very important for me is having a group of mom friends who have babies the same age whom I get together to do things with WITHOUT the babies. It's fun when the babies are included too, but we have a book club once a month without them that we all really NEED. I also found that as I become more frustrated, I realized that I was also more depressed, and realized that the anger was a symptom of my depression. Since starting antidepressants, those attacks of frustration have eased.

    Answer by evwsquared at 4:51 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Have you tried 'crying it out'?

    Answer by HaileyCass at 2:33 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I think you need some counseling or something. Your child being a light sleeper should not make you want to punch things and swear. What if you punch her one day? Try snuggeling with her or co sleeping. Let her make her own schedule.

    Answer by navy-wife at 2:35 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • When i get frustrated with my son...I put him in his crib, pack and play, ect go to my room shut the door and cry, yell or whatever i need to do to compose myself. I think it's much better for them to cry it out in there bed then to see us upset too. When I calm down i go in there and talk soft and cuddle and to him nothing was ever wrong.

    Answer by LuVzLiFeMoMwIfE at 2:36 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • sounds normal to me, but you are abosolutely right in wanting to stop doing it, cause yea, you don't want your daughter to observe and learn that anger. Try the breathing thing where you count and breath, also was Luvz suggested is a good idea. Make a schedule with your SO to get things done so most important things are done when you're all alone with her. GL to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • First, Navy Wife is wrong...often time when women suffer from PPD, they envision hurting their children, etc. It is not abnormal to be extremely frustrated. You sound as if you are just overwhelmed. Do you feel depressed or anxious at all? I would let her cry it out and learn to comfort herself. It is better than you being very frustrated. It is not calming when you are upset too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My dd stopped taking naps about that time too. I just put a baby gate up and she has to stay in her room for an hour. I peek in on her to make sure she is ok and she is usually "reading" or playing with her dolls. If i try to make her take a nap it is a screaming nightmere. This way she is quite, safe and I get me time.

    Answer by Soniam301 at 2:47 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Thanks for all your comments so far. It's helpful to hear that I am not abnormal for my frustration. I have felt like a terrible mother for behaving this way. Despite my anger, I have NEVER wanted to hurt my DD - Thankfully. I am a first time mom who moved to a new state while pregnant and live here without friends or family. My DH also travels or comes home late quite often but does this so that I can stay home for now. I don't want to make excuses but I also hope this is a contributing factor for easily losing it. I just feel so ashamed of my behavior and I needed to know what other mom's opinions were.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • you are not alone but I dont have any advice though. I am crying reading your post. I feel so frustrated and I really have a good baby so I know it is me. SAHM and I wonder if i should put him in daycare and I should go back to work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Ask yourself are you trying to be the the perfect mom? Because there is no such person. It doesn't matter if the house is not clean or dinner is not ready. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Raising a toddler is not easy. Just go with the flow of things. My son has always gone to bed at midnight and wakes at 10am....I just adjust my life to his sleep pattern. Talk with
    your doctor maybe you are suffering from Postpartum.

    Answer by haveahappyday at 3:42 PM on Jan. 12, 2009