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How do I tell them no any more clearly?!

Ok, so my MIL is a labor and delivery nurse and has told me from day one that she was going to be assisting with my birth. She thinks its cute to tell me I wont have a choice if she's working that day. Now she is pushing for everybody and their brother to be there for it too.

I don't want anyone there. I gave birth to my first daughter completely alone...my doctor, a nurse and I. I even snuck up to the hospital without telling anyone I was being induced so I could do it alone because my family was the family being pushy that time.

I actually think it is really rude to be so pushy about it. I mean I will be in there, naked from the waist down, pushing a baby out of my sex organs, probably ripping to shreds and getting sewn back together, bleeding out, in horrible pain...the last thing I want is an audience in there smelling the dump I just took in a doctor's face.

Cont below...

 
kabbot01

Asked by kabbot01 at 2:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (51 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Tell your doctor that no one is allowed in the birthing room with you especially your MIL. They may not take no from you but they will from your doctor. That is silly to be in labor and drive to another town over their inexcusable ignorance and selfishness. They can wait like you said. It's your time. It's your rules. Have your doctor lay down the rules for them if they won't listen to you. If that doesn't work then call me. I'll be glad to tell them what I think of their poor idea. You are not some freak show to be gawked at while naked. It seems that there should be a law against that!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:49 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I have told her all of this...I thought I was being pretty damn clear. I told them I don't mind him coming in to cut the cord and everyone can be in there the second I'm done with my afterbirth and stuff, but she COMPLETELY dismisses everything I say. She thinks because she is an OB nurse and has seen it all over the last 10 years she's been doing it, that its "normal" and I shouldn't care. Well, its not "normal" for me to do ANY of that let alone in front of an audience.

    I don't want to try to be modest, I don't want to worry, I don't want to have to entertain someone from my hospital bed. I think its VERY rude to continue to push the issue. I also know that she will freely tell my friends and family everything about my delivery, hospital stay, and progress while I'm there. My privacy will be out the window.

    Ok, I'm on a rant...cont below
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 2:51 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • can you go to a different hospital to deliver? If not, call the hospital ahead of time (like now) and say that you WILL NOT have her as your nurse. Ask to speak to the department head and they are pretty good about granting your wishes about who is and is not allowed in the room.

    I am right there with you though, I wanted only my husband and doctors in the room!
    Glowing4Caleb

    Answer by Glowing4Caleb at 2:52 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My doctor travels out of town to work another hospital one weekend a month and he told me, not this weekend, but the weekend after next, he will be in the out of town hospital. I JUMPED on this. "Please deliver me there". He said he would induce me at that point if I hadn't gone on my own, but I'm scared I wont make it that long.

    I think its pretty bad that I have to jump town to get away from these hawks and get a little privacy. Its a 40 minute drive to and from that hospital versus the local hospital being only a mile away from my house. I'm so POed about this!! What else can I do or say to get it through their thick heads?!
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 2:54 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • You can tell the hospital that you do not want her as your nurse. My first nurse when I had my first son was a total bitch and I told my then-husband that he better tell the nurses' station not to send her in again or I'd be sending her back out with a broken nose, and they gave me a new nurse. lol I wouldn't be that nasty, but you can tell them you don't want her. And as for everyone else being in the room, you just tell the hospital and the nurse that you don't want them in there. Tell your hubby too. It is his and their job to ensure you are as comfortable and happy as you can be while sending a watermelon thru a straw. :)
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 3:17 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Good Luck kabot01. You have a great head on your shoulders and I am sure you find a way amicably to not let mil assist in you delivery.
    jareda69

    Answer by jareda69 at 3:38 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Tell the hospital that she is NOT to be your nurse under ANY circumstances. Actually, they'd probably insist on it...medics are not supposed to treat membersof their own family.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:16 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Go to a different hospital, or tell your doctor that your MIL isn't allowed to be there. Also, when I had my first son, they had this locked door to the recovery floor. They would page my room and ask me "Hey Jane Doe is here- do you want to see them?" and I had the choice to say no. So when you sign in to deliver, say "no MIL, No friends, no family. Period" and enjoy a stress free labor/delivery. You're the client. They have to listen to you.
    livn4hevn

    Answer by livn4hevn at 4:50 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Call the hospital's head of L&D nursing and explain that you're not trying to get her in trouble, but that you'd like to head off any potential disasters before they begin. Explain that you've explained you don't want her there, but she thinks you're kidding and ask the head of L&D nursing what you can do to make sure that she doesn't barge in and make a "potential legal issue" where none should exist.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 4:54 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • If at all possible, I don't recommend being induced because it slows down labor and the contractions are harder. I'd hope the hospital was big enough that they'd have more than one nurse to assist and I'd DEMAND that they get someone else in there with me since she's related. There's no reason for your hubby and family to have to drive so far just because of this one pushy person. I didn't mind who was in the waiting room, but only my hubby and I were in the delivery room with medical staff.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:26 AM on Jan. 13, 2009