Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I stay?

the father of my child messed up real badly.. He has gotten us so far behind in rent that it looks like we are going to lose our house. he was apparently to proud to admit it when he lost all his overtime in November. He wants to stay here and draw it out until the landlord takes us to court and has us evicted and I want to go to 3 states away and live with my family and work.. He has a great job here and can just you know rent a room or something..
well he says I am taking our son and abandoning him that I am choosing some landlord over him and our family..
My question to you is would you lower your standards and morals and wait it out to be evicted or would you move back where you know you have a job and can save money to get back on your feet. I would come back after we got enough money to find another place.. So I am not "leaving " him

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I would tell him to put his big boy panties up and come with you or stay there. Tell him you arent leaving him but you are leaving to make a better life for ALL of you. If he chooses to stay then hes a dumbass, if he chooses to come he loses nothing.

    Answer by gemgem at 3:08 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My question would be can your relationship withstand the time and distance?? What impact do you think that will have on your child?

    Answer by anetrnlov at 3:09 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • And why would you come back to him?

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:09 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Find a smaller place with him. Don't leave him even if you have in mind that it is temporary. He already told you that you would be abandoning and so forth, which means as much as anything that that is what he feels like. He is already embarrassed and hurting about losing the overtime and disappointing you- so much that you feel the need to take off on your own without him. Show him that you trust and love him and let him feel that he is important and in control. He needs it right now. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 3:10 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • My other question is did you NOT know this was happening?

    Answer by anetrnlov at 3:10 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Have you tried working something out with the landlord? Is your guy in a position to pay the rent now? If so, see if you can work out an agreement to pay the back rent off in a payment plan and then pay current going forward.

    Could the three of you move elsewhere together that is cheaper?

    What I am saying is before leaving your man see if there is a way you can stay that doesn't compromise your morals. If not then the most important thing to keep your kid safe with a roof over his or her head.

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:12 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • you have to think of what's best for your child. Honestly, I don't think "waiting it out" is best for any of you. You'd actually be choosing family if you got a job and started saving money to get back on your feet. In the town we live in, I don't know where we'd be without my mom's help with childcare!

    Answer by sophiebethmom at 3:17 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I have gotten a job and we could really catch the rent up if given the chance.. However I think at this point the land lord wont be willing to..we are one month late and was late the month of december also.. I didnt know because I felt I didnt have the right to question it since I wasnt working. I wouldnt be leaving him just going to save money.. It would be cheaper on him if he didn t have us to support.. I figure it would take about two months to save enough for me to come back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Again, WHY would you want to come back?

    Let me guess - you looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove him.

    Seriously, no bashing here, but you have to think of yourself and your child. If this guy can't care enough about his family to help put a roof over your head PLUS respect you enough to talk to you like an equal about finances - baby, you gotta move on.

    It doesn't sound like love to me.

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:13 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Quite honestly what kind of man endangers his family like that. I wouldnt come back. And if either of you gets an eviction getting a place together will be very very near impossible. I know bc my ex did this to me. Tell the landlord you are leaving so that he wont prosecuete you.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:14 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.