18 y/o boundary question

I have an 18 y/o son who left Marine bootcamp on a medical and was home sick. He has a girlfriend that he spends every min with. She works part-time and goes to school locally and lives with her mom who is an alcoholic and her stepdad who smokes pot in the house on a regular basis. We don't live like that and I have rules that include no drinking/drugs. The deal with my son was that he would have to work full time and start applying for schools. He has filled out 2 job applications in 2 weeks and decided that he can be late for curfew (1AM) almost every night and last night he slept over his girl friends house. I'm livid! His car is broken and I'm not fixing it, nor am I giving him any money. He's avoiding me by staying over her house when I'm not working, and all of his guy friends are mad at him as he's ditched them as well. Because he's 18 he thinks he should not have rules. Any suggestions?

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Asked by Momtoteens1418 at 9:31 AM on Dec. 30, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

4 Level 2

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Change the locks and put his stuff out on the front porch. My DS is 21, lives at home, meets curfew, contributes to the household and obeys all the same rules he obeyed when he was 16. He understands that until he can fully support himself, he is not really an adult, just an older child living at home.

Answer by kustomkrochet at 9:39 AM on Dec. 30, 2011
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Start charging him rent and do not pay for anything! If he wants to act like he is on his own, show him what it will be like.

Answer by layh41407 at 9:40 AM on Dec. 30, 2011
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if he wants to live in your house, then he needs to abide by your rules. if he does not, then he can live wherever...

Answer by figaro8895 at 9:42 AM on Dec. 30, 2011
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yep..what they said.^

Answer by dullscissors at 9:43 AM on Dec. 30, 2011
Credits: 261160 Level 47 Adult Children (18+) 101

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not any better answer than the above.

Answer by kimigogo at 9:54 AM on Dec. 30, 2011
Credits: 62206 Level 33 Adult Children (18+) 101

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He is 18 and the more you push it the more you will push him away. Changing the locks is not needed because he will eventually just move out. Been there done that twice now and on my way to a 3rd time (I also have an 18 yr old at home). I would however lock the doors or maybe get a chain if you dont have one for the front door and at 1am lock it so he cant come in after informing him this is now how you will be enforcing that rule.

Answer by gemgem at 9:55 AM on Dec. 30, 2011
Credits: 147809 Level 42 Adult Children (18+) Minor

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cut off the money flow and he will soon come crawling back or support himself- her parents probably wont keep up with him much longer- demand respect or its time for him to be the adult he chooses to want to act like.

Answer by 2teens2LOs at 11:07 AM on Dec. 30, 2011
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hand him the want ads, apartment listings, and a lease for his room. The lease should include his monthly rent, and the household chores he is expected to complete on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. It won't be easy, but you need to tell him that you love him, and you need him to behave like and adult, not a spoiled brat.If he does not meet the terms of the lease, He will have seven days to vacate.

Answer by rkoloms at 7:34 PM on Dec. 30, 2011
Credits: 71498 Level 35 Adult Children (18+) 101

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What they've said! ^^^

Answer by janderson595 at 9:35 PM on Dec. 30, 2011
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I would change the locks on all the doors. If he wants his stuff he can come and get it and make other living arrangements.

Answer by Dardenella at 1:02 AM on Jan. 4, 2012
Credits: 79803 Level 36 Adult Children (18+) 101

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