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How old is too old to bath with your child and why?

This is a multiple part question:
1. how old is too old to bath with your child?
2. Why is there a double standard, men molest boys too it isn't just a girl thing so why is ok for a man to bath with his son but not daughter?
3. Are all men inherently perverts?

I desperatly want to know because I don't view my husband as a closet child molester and have no problem with him showering/bathing with our daughter. It has nothing to do with naivete either. I was molested by my grandfather, as was my sister, but I don't walk around accusing all men of being molesters because of it. I don't let other men watch her etc, but I also don't accuse my husband of molesting her when they do shower together.

I showered with my parents until 1 was 6 or 7. I never had a penis in my face or anything gross, hell I never even looked at it. It was a shower, not anything sexual.

Answer Question
 
celticreverie

Asked by celticreverie at 4:57 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think it's ok up until the child starts to show a need for privacy. When the child wants to change with the door closed and is embarrassed to be naked in front of other people then they should shower on their own. I think for most kids its around 4ish, but all kids are different.
    sbastille

    Answer by sbastille at 5:01 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • 1) I think the age depends on the parents and the children involved. We still bathe with our youngest two (3 and 16 months) but not our oldest (6). We will however throw the three of them in the tub in our bathroom while we take a shower in our separate shower stall.
    2) I don't know why there is the double standard but it is ridiculous. If an adult is going to molest a child they will find the opportunity to do so....no matter what. My hubby takes showers with our daughter, I don't see anything wrong with it.
    3)No, not all men are perverts.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 5:04 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • it really all depends on the comfort level of the family and it's members.
    heatherama

    Answer by heatherama at 5:27 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • 1) When they're old enough to sit up by themselves for long periods of time without support.
    2) I don't know
    3) No
    What I don't understand is why you would want to take a shower/bath with your child. Why would you want to expose your little girl to her father's penis or for your son to see your vagina? How do you explain to your children that's it's okay for mom and dad to not keep there private parts private, but that it's not okay for other people to expose themselves?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I think for our household, 5 is the cut-off age for hanging out with the opposite sex while naked. I don't really care what other people do in their house, so I can only tell you what worked for us.

    I think the primary point of the question is why do people act like all men are pedophiles. I have no clue. I wish I knew why a woman would think a guy was ok to have sex with, to marry, to get pregnant with, but then after the birth of a child suddenly question his morality and sexuality.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 5:33 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I bathed with my sons until it became akward. When my son was old enough to know the differences between the "parts" and know that mommy and baby are different... and especially when he started pointing it out, getting quiet and blushing when he saw me naked, or asking odd questions I stopped allowing him to see me naked. For him, that all happened at the age of about 2 or 3. He doesn't feel akward with me seeing HIM naked, and he needs to be washed bc he can't wash himself. But him seeing me is getting a bit akward!!

    I think its all about the development level. If your child is old enough to understand the differences, and seems a little akward because of them, then it's time to cover up!
    livn4hevn

    Answer by livn4hevn at 5:34 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • What I don't understand is why it's important to completely shelter our children from nudity? It's not so much a want as it is a need sometimes, and easier, and fun. Toddlers are exceptionally fun to shower with because of just being crazy.

    It is very easy to explain to the child the difference between what goes on in our house, and the outside world. Plain and simple, but apparently people are too lazy to try and teach their children the differences in acceptable nudity, etc.

    It's not "exposing" them to anything, it's showering with your child. I don't take a shower and say "look dear, I have a vagina and your dad has a penis how cool is that!". Most kids will ask a question and then drop it, if you don';t make a big deal out of it.
    celticreverie

    Answer by celticreverie at 5:35 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • In this house nudity isn't something to be ashamed of. My kids see us naked and see one another naked. We do not make an issue of it. I do not want them to think that they should be ashamed of their bodies or that nudity is wrong...it isn't. After all, that is how we all come into this world. My oldest has had a few occasions where he has suddenly become uncomfortable with being seen while changing...we do not make a big deal about those occasions either...we just tell him that he can change in the bathroom or close his bedroom door. My kids are well aware that they cannot be naked just anywhere. If someone is coming over they are dressed. They do not attempt to strip down everywhere they are. When we are at home we all wear what is comfortable which is usually as little as possible.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 5:45 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • In our society, nudity is viewed as a sexual state of being...body parts are categorized by the level of lusty thoughts they encite. I don't agree with this at all and feel that it is the root of many issues in this country. My dh and I are determined to raise children that see bodies as natural and normal and sexuality to be just one aspect of those bodies. Nudity happens in our home (imagine that-lol) and we don't make a big deal out of it. Showers are shared, baths are shared. Occasionally my son makes a matter-of-fact statement like "daddy and I have penises but mommy and sissy don't". Astute observation-lol...and that's all it is.
    jmsmrs

    Answer by jmsmrs at 6:33 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Well, I would say that your hubby should stop showering with her when SHE becomes uncomfortable with it. But then - I know you and your child a bit better than some. My son doesn't want me in the bath tub with him any more, but he'll shower with me sometimes. That was HIS decision. My hubby and I sleep without jammies every night, we do cover up before tending to him, but we're not making nudity "dirty" because there's nothing inherently "dirty" about the human body - it's a wonderful work of art IMO. Then again ... I'm one of those weirdos and did nude art class modeling in my teens and early 20's because I was so thin that all the major muscle groups could be seen so I was a good "subject".

    I don't know why society thinks that all men are potential child molesters. There ARE female child molestors out there, there are even women who prey on their own kids.
    cat0325

    Answer by cat0325 at 7:30 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

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