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My son is terrified when he goes to his dads house.

Here is the situation: My ex husband has visitations every other week 9amSat-6pmSun, but goes for months w/out picking up or contacting our son (Adrian, almost 3yrs). When my ex finally does show up to pick Adrian up, my son is scared to death to go with him. Adrian screams for me and we have to pry him off me. He goes so long w/out his dad seeing him, that it is almost like a stranger is trying to take him.
I have considered taking my ex to court to have his visitations stopped, but I don't want to take my sons dad away from him. I know that my son isn't abused at his dads, he is just scared to go with him. I have talked to my ex about this, but he doesn't care that he is hurting our son emotionally.
Should I take him to court to have his visitations taken away. I don't want to deny my son from seeing his father, but I don't want him to go through hell every time his father shows up either?? HELP!

 
bookay

Asked by bookay at 1:59 PM on Jul. 17, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (9)
  • I would go through the court because if you already do and the weekend thing has been established explain to the court that he rarely comes to visit like he is supposed to and that there are long periods in between that your son is scared because he don't know who he is they can solve this problem for you, also I would keep a visitation log in this log keep dates and times when he has came to get your son and when he dropped him off and also keep in there ways you have contacted him or he has contacted you dates and times and what happened during every encounter it will help you out in the long run good luck.
    crystal_ashton

    Answer by crystal_ashton at 2:04 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • In my opinion, this is a classic sign of abuse. I would do some investigating...buy an inconspicuous nanny-cam that he can take with him to his dad's....A word of caution - in some states it is illegal to record someone's voice without their permission...but you can video-tape them as long as their voice is not being recorded. If you find abuse on the nanny-cam....take that bastard to court...(or if you were me...kill him.)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • You ahev to weigh out which is worse for you son~ being without his dad, or havin a dad pop in and out of his life.
    HadassasMommy

    Answer by HadassasMommy at 3:40 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I know that he is not abusing my son. This is not an issue. The issue is that my son is just scared to go with his dad (his dad is almost like a stranger to him).
    I have kept logs of dates/times and such since the begining, and it has been a GREAT help.
    bookay

    Answer by bookay at 3:42 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I wouldn't jump to conclusions and say he's being abused at his dad's house...it's just like you said, he's scared b/c all of a sudden here's "dad" who he hasn't seen in God Knows When and he's still a baby and he's scared! He has the right to be scared! I would for sure take him back to court to try and fix things. The visitation log sounds like a great idea to me! That way he either does what he's supposed to do or he gets "caught" by the court not visiting and they stop his visitation. If he really wanted to visit he would, so taking it from him may make him really mad at you but gosh, you gotta do what's best for your child...and right now what's happening is not best. Your son probably feels scared, alone, abandoned...I feel sorry for him!
    Elizabeth1015

    Answer by Elizabeth1015 at 3:42 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • It's a classic sign of abuse. Don't dismiss it...search for signs of abuse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I think you should go to court... if he doesn't want to act like a father, then maybe he shouldn't be. I know you want to do the right thing by your son, but if your ex is being a jerk, then your son is better off without.
    crazysocks830

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 4:29 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • First thing I'd do is find a therapist for children and have the situation evaluated w/o you present or at least just sitting aside and saying nothing. If they think he's traumatized get a written report stating it. Notify the courts of his lack of visitation, the way your son reacts to him when he does come and the psychologists report. You will have to prove he is abusing/neglecting the child to have any hope of changing visitation. You'll be lucky if they change it to 'supervised only' visits. Advocate for your child..no one else will.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:03 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • awwwww I agree with CrystalAshton. This is not right.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 11:52 PM on Jul. 17, 2008