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my 14 yr old wants to go live with his father. I don't want to give up custody.

I have had full custody for 11 years, dad got him fri nights to sat or sunday. Now all of a sudden dad wants him full time and he wants to go live at dads. Does anyone know my right? what would a judge say or do. Please give me some advice/answers. My son who is 14 now is a good boy does not drink,smoke or do drugs. I am so afraid at such a impressionable age living with dad may lead him in the wrong direction. Help me please.

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Asked by SammyGirl411 at 6:35 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (16)
  • Most of the time by 14 they can live where they want..... it might be different where you live but i would want my kids to live where they were happy even if it hurt me.... and then if negitive things resulted from it then i would deal with the issue!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 6:38 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • You dont have to let him do anything. My dd who is 19 now told me at 13 she wanted to live at her dads too. I told her I wanted a million dollars and world peace but it wasnt happening. Unless his dad actually takes you to court you dont have to give up custody. If he takes you then your son can testify and ask to move and yes the judge does take that into account. However if your son is getting good grades, is a good kid they probably wont risk moving him. And if dad has relaxed rules and you can show he might just want to move because he doesnt like rules the judge will also not move him. But hey no one has filed for change in custody have they? if not dont sweat it. Tell him what I told my dd.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:40 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • When I was growing up, my friend with divorced parents would always use it to their advantage. They would switch homes when it was in their best interest. This may not be what he's doing. He's at a tough age having his dad right now may be the best thing. Good luck, I hope I haven't upset you. Just for the record I don't think I'd give in.

    Answer by Farrahann at 6:42 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • What is the reason all of a sudden? Is this a dad that doesnt want to pay child support anymore convincing son he'd be better off there? Or was this sons idea?

    Answer by mistynights234 at 6:43 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Depending upon what state you reside, your child can choose at age 14 where he wants to live. Since you allow him to spend the weekends I assume you trust his dad enough. I don't know the father enough to say he is a bad influence over his son. If he is more like a friend then a parent it may be why your son want to be with him.

    Answer by Godswk at 7:04 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Well considering he is able to make his own decision he can ask to go to court and have a judge determine placement. However, I what I would do is have joint custody, don't give up your entire rights. My brother had some whats the same situation with his son. They were going through a divorce and she had temporary custody of the boys, but my nephew who was 10 at the time told the judge that he wanted to be with his dad. Anyway, she gave up custody of my nephew instead of having joint, which would allow her to share custody. Well my nephew felt as if she didn't care about him by giving up all parental rights and they both have a bad relationship.

    Answer by SimplyCreative at 7:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2009


    My brother was happy, because he got his son, but eventually my nephew felt as if his mom didn't care.
    I would talk to your ex about that or let him stay there for a while. Who knows maybe life at daddy's isn't as cool as he thinks. I wouldn't jump the gun that fast I would try to see how it would work out at first and then maybe do joint.

    Answer by SimplyCreative at 7:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • It depends on what state your in but the childs preferance usually matter's by the time they're that age. I can understand both the side of the mom and the side of the child. Being the child, he didn't have any choice your being concieved or his parents relationship. I'm sure he would prefer if he could live with both parents, but since you and his dad decided that you didn't want to, he's stuck in the middle. I can understand wanting more of a relationship with both parents. I also understand that your his mom and don't want to let go. It's a hard situation for everyone envolved but especially the kid.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Let him move in with his dad then he can come visit you and the weekends. You can become the fun cool parent and he'll probly end up coming back. Kids that age really don't know what they want they just go where the fun is. Just let him know that he can come over or come back whenever he wants to as long as he's not in trouble with his dad for doing something he shouldn't have been doing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • at 14 most judges will go by what the child wants to do as long as the other parent is not unfit..... at least thats what they did w/ my 2 cousins who are 13 and 16.......

    Answer by Graden_Daeani at 10:10 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

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