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Cult member playmate?

OK when I say cult member I mean it. They are on an FBI watch list of cults and all that jazz, and yeah I know that every religion can be considered a cult but these people are. ANYWAY. My little girls have a playmate that is part of this cult. She is a sweet girl and I have no problem with her at all. I don't have a problem with the fact that her parents are part of this cult. That is there right to be in it if they want. What my problem is my little girls are mad at me because I will not let them go to the little girls house to play (she lives in the compound) My girls tell me that I am persecuting her because of her religion. They learned that from the little girl BTW. (the sect is under fire after one leader was sent to jail for sexually assault of his step-daughter, and everyone is screaming persecution!) The girl is not aloud at my house, but my girls can go there.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Jan. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I would just say that as their parent you have to make choices that you are comfortable with because all you want for them is to be safe and happy. But you do not feel comfortable and are unsure about their safety in that place so it's off limits.

    Tell them they can still be friends with her and you will happily take them to a neutral ground place to play, like the park, but that you will not budge on things when their safety is in question. Make sure they understand that that applies to all places and homes that you are unsure and uncomfortable with...not just this one.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 6:56 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • CONT: I am to worried to send them there because of the assault and other rumors that are flying around about them, and simiply because it is a cult. How can I make my girls understand my position on this. And I guess am I right about not wanting them to go there to play. OH and my girls are 9 (twins) Any advice about how to explain this to them would be nice thank you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Youre not wrong. Look what they have already learned. I would tell them first of all I am your mother and I have concerns because bad things go on there, it has nothing to do with her religion or you wouldnt be friends with her in the first place. If she cant come to your house too play anymore then too bad. You have to protect your kids and sending them into a place where there are questions about sexual molestation isnt ever right. Remember youre the mom and it isnt your job to always be popular because you have to make the grown up decisions.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:54 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I agree and you can always fall back on BECAUSE I SAID SO. Or distraction, set up some fun playdates with other kids.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 6:58 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I totally agree with gemgem. There is no way I would let them go to that compound. Explain to them exactly why you won;t let them go. Which is the alleged sexual assault. Tell them that it is your job to protect them and that's it. They don't need to understand or agree. You're their mom, not friend. Kids are too impressionable at that age, they need to be protected and that's what you do.
    jenlenr

    Answer by jenlenr at 7:01 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Explain to them that when you let them go on playdates it is because you know that you can trust their friend's parent and that their friend's house is a safe environment, but that you can't do this for this particular friend. Make sure that they know that it doesn't mean that they shouldn't continue to find ways to be friends with this girl, but that the only way that you can protect your daughters is by limiting their out-of-school interactions to playdates at your house. Remind them that you are perfectly willing to do that, and that it is not your fault that the other girl's parents won't allow that. Make sure that they know that you don't think that they've made a bad decision by being friends with this girl, and that you support them in their friendship, and that it is only the location of their playdates that you have an issue with.
    evwsquared

    Answer by evwsquared at 7:12 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Oh even me and my liberal butt says NO WAY would I allow her to go there either. Now I would let her know its not that you do not like her friend or her friends family. Let her know you are more than happy to have play dates at your home. All in all I agree with evwsquared. When folks are on an FBI watch list you do not want your baby over there in the middle of whatever the FBI are watching.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 7:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • Hey we have similar problems here and I just tell my dtr straight up the truth. I say you can not go there cause i heard this or that goes on there. I tell her I trust her, I just don't trust "the people in the world.' She is 11, I don't want to scare her, I just tell her the truth.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 7:22 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • i agree with karriemarie. the greatest thing about your girls being 9 is that theyre not 4. and by that i mean they are old enough where they know whats going on in the world. theyre smart cookies at that age and they know more then parents want to admit to. so if you keep it open and honest they will understand. plus keeping things open and honest with them will help you build an even bigger bond with them as they grow so its a win win situation
    Amanduhpanda

    Answer by Amanduhpanda at 7:31 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I'd just tell them the truth. They are on the FBI watch list and bad things could happen there at any time and you don't want them there if it happens. You don't have to get into explicit detail about WHAT could happen, just bad things. As for the "persecuting b/c of their religion", if my kids told me that, I'd tell them that until they can explain to me, in precise detail, what that means, do not accuse me of it, and furthermore, if I have to persecute someone b/c of their religion in order to protect you, then guess what? I'm going to persecute! And of course, as someone else said, there's always the old faithful "Because I said so".
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:37 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

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