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I mean...NO sex life! I'm not much into sex, never really have been, but my SO of 13 years is VERY into sex and we are constantly having debates about how we should handle this. We have three teenagers in the house (13-14) and a 5 month old, (so yes, we have done the deed before...) LOL, but he is constantly making jokes about "getting it somewhere else", or "bringing a girlfriend home for us". I feel bad because I don't want him to feel deprived, but at the same time, I don't want to have sex just because. Almost every day he says things like, are we gonna do it? and almost every day my response is What can I do to turn things around? Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me, because I just don't see sex as a priority? Any suggestions?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 AM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Sounds like you are a little too busy to GET busy.

    The "jokes" - not funny.

    How much does Mr. Romeo do around the house? is he being an equal partner in every way or are you bearing most of the work?

    Sex is important, and it wouldn't hurt to speak to your doctor about this, but sounds like your DH needs to shut up.

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:25 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • He's a comedian at heart so the jokes don't phase me, and actually he does quite a bit around the house. He's very involved with all the kids and he actually does most of the cooking and the cleaning gets done by pretty much everyone, including him. In fact, he's like OCD when it comes to cleaning. Our friends use to call and ask me how MY wife was doing? He really is a great guy. Maybe I will mention it to the Dr the next time we visit.

    Answer by jdrae13 at 3:33 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • First, stop and look at your life... try to define what it is that's making you not want to have sex. Your husband seems like he is trying to send you some signals like "We need to talk about this". Don't panic yet. Talk to him... Let him know that your trying to address the issue.. You might want to do some self sacraifce... like get it on ... lol. I mean thats what a relationship is about giving in sometimes "compromise". So, saying that.. give in to him here and there. While you address what's going on. It can me medical , Physical, mental, and many other factors... (by the way I am not saying your mental, I mean like depressed, stressed and ect)... take some you time and figure it out or see a doctor if you think it's physical

    Answer by Tabetha_ruh at 3:48 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My DH and I just got through this. How often do you make love now?

    Answer by MamaChamp at 3:49 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I would say we're doing good to get busy 2-3 times a month. And I probably should mention that we did it a lot more when I was trying to get pregnant, just for the record. How did you guys get thru it?

    Answer by jdrae13 at 4:15 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My suggestion is to tell him the approach is off a bit... you can't just get in the mood cause someone says "you wanna?". Tell him to work at it a little more and help you get in the mood. Casual touching does wonders for my hubby and me and with your busy life, I'm sure you pass each other thru the house often so just touch each other as you go by, pat on the shoulder, rub his arm, leg, butt... by the time we make it to bed I'm sometimes already worked up from just touching all day. If you have no drive when he's actually doing something that should get you in the mood, you might try some gels to help you, or talk to the dr about your hormone balance to help you get in the mood.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:05 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • just cave in ans shut him up.. i bet if you did it once a week that would be the end of it all. seriously. i do

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Could be a lot of reasons. Guilt over something. Anger over something. Trying to get even for something. Withholding because of something that you want that you're not getting. Disappointment with him. Feeling neglected in other areas than sexually. The list is endless.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:57 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My sister went into this with her husband. She said the sex was terrible, he didn't care a bit about her needs, and then he did the same thing your husband does...told her he was going to get it somewhere else. She kept telling him "Why would I ever want to sleep with someone when it does nothing for me and you treat me like garbage?" Even after she told him, nothing improved, he kept up with everything and they ended up divorced over it.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:08 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Why don't you want to have sex with him? All you have told us is that sex is not a priority for you. Well, it's obviously a priority for him. Maybe it's time for a compromise? It's not really fair for you to keep turning him down and never explaining why. Do you want him to get it elsewhere? Men get married to have sex beyond the baby-making part lol.

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 9:22 AM on Jan. 13, 2009

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