Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Any military wives who feel like they have no life due to constantly supporting husband?

I am ashamed to even bring this up....I support and love my husband and his choice to be in the military. I know everyone always says, your choice to be with your husband so don't wine about constantly moving/being away from family/ect. But I feel like I have put all my own goals aside to follow him around the country, deal with deployments, and raise our family. Does anyone else feel this way? I mean, I'm not going to leave my husband or anything like that. Our family is more important than me going to school or me having a career, I'm just curious if anyone else feels this way and what you do/did about it....thank you!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Its hard and anyone who has never been there dont really know what its like and cant bash you for feeling that way.
    Its not a easy way to live. I just made sure i got out of the house and did things for myself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I understand how you feel completly. When my husband and I first married everything I wanted for me was just pushed to the back burner cause we had to move across country and then I felt like everything that was something I wanted was put on the backburner cause with the military they are always changing what they first told you, so there goes your plans. Nobody really understands until they have gone through it themselves. Please know that youre not alone in this feeling and you dont need to feel ashamed or embarassed by it

    Answer by ReneeLRS at 1:32 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I was a military wife, having married in 1981 at the age of 17, in my senior year of high school. My husband and I were stationed at Yokota, Air Base. I completed my education there and then became a mother in 1983. infact, I had to take another 6 months of high school to meet the graduation requirements at Yokota High School. So, six months after I graduated... I became a mother!

    It was while I was in high school as a military wife I learned... I don't have my own life. My spouse and I was informed that even if I was sick, he had to give me a note explaining my absence from school. I was angry! I felt totally disrespected!

    Answer by naturescape at 1:54 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Then I learned as a military wife my actions and behavior reflect on my spouse, so I have to be careful of the things I say and do, so as not to make him look bad, because he is the one who hears about it from those above him in rank.

    As a mother.... I had all the responsibility of raising our 3 sons... no time off for me, although my husband could come home from work and have his time off... hanging out with his buddies! When he was sent away... I was the parent at home in the states taking care of the house, bills, raising the boys...teaching them about GOD and taking them to church.


    Answer by naturescape at 1:55 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • It's not easy being a military wife. While I could look back to the above and see the negative aspects of what being a military wife has to endure... the loneliness, control of you and the responsibilities. I also have come to see some positive aspects of being a military wife!

    While our husbands take on the role of a warrior... defending our lives and homeland so we can be a free people... it has taken me years to realize I have so much to be thankful for. It is an honor to be the wife of the man who is willing to die for his country.

    Answer by naturescape at 1:56 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My husband had his role to play and I had mine... though at that time, I didn't see it!

    We spend more time with our children than our spouses get to. Therefore, it is important to create memories for our children as to why their father's aren't there. When my husband spent 16 months in Turkey, I took a lot of video of the boys for their father and for them to view as they got older. After he came back, our youngest...who was then 3 years old, became very angry at his dad and confronted him by saying..."You left us!" My husband told me how those words broke his heart.

    Answer by naturescape at 1:56 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • When my husband and I broke up the marriage after he re-tired... he reviewed all the video I had taken...he cried over what he wasn't around to see.... his sons growing up without him.

    We were separate from each other while we were married.... when he re-tired, I felt like I was still having to take on the responsibilities by myself and he still wanted to be able to do his own thing... retirement didn't help our relationship because now we were fighting more than ever...constantly fighting. I became somewhat independent without him around and then all of a sudden, here he is in my my space yet I still have no life of my own and he's still doing his own thing without regards to my feelings and situation.

    Answer by naturescape at 1:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • After being away from each other for six has taken us this long to see our selfishness...our mistakes in our marriage, our relationship. My husband was apart of a military team...but we weren't a team at home. I was young, fresh out of high school, a young mother... When was I going to have my time to find myself and make my own choices now when I have all this responsibility. But I did make a choice... I got married at a young age to the a man who chose to join the military... I chose to become apart of that life and all that comes with it.

    Answer by naturescape at 1:58 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My ex is now my husband again.... we got back together and remarried June 19, 2009. Having been separated helped us to reflect on everything in our marriage that we thought was wrong... had to face up to the individual decisions we made that were wrong, take responsibility for our individual choices and come to realize how important our sons are to us... that having a family and having a home our sons can come back to with "peace" in the home is important to us.


    Answer by naturescape at 1:58 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Being the wife of a military man... as hard as it is... involves sacrifice also. Just as your spouse has chosen to sacrifice his life and his freedom in that he has no rights once he signs on that line and is sworn in...the government owns him.

    Military wives play a supporting role at home, taking on the role of mother and father... not having the freedom to do what you want all the time, having to watch your own behavior or your spouse hears about it from his commanding officer. We have to be the ones to deal with the home life and the raising of our teach them the honor of serving your country and what bravery their father is showing by defending his country and the American People. We are the cheerleaders!

    Answer by naturescape at 1:59 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.