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My 16 yo teenage dd and her friends...

We have 4 children. Two that are 18 and 16 and 2 that are 6 and 3. Yesterday afternoon my 16 yo dd arrived home and 2 of her friends came to our home after school. They immediately went to the family room and changed the channel that my 3 yo was watching to the History Channel. I was upstairs trying to cook dinner and help my 6 yo with homework and my 3 yo always watches tv for that hour during the day. I was irritated with my 16 yo dd and told her that she needed to change the channel back. It just really irritated me that she came home and changed the channel only because of her friends being here and if her friends are not with her she does not act like that. Why do teens have to act this way. At times I know that my 16 yo dd thinks that we should keep the 2 young ones out of her hair and let her have the whole family room to her and her friends. How would you handle this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (15)
  • i think it would have only been fair for her and her friends to compromise with you and let the young one watch tv for an hour. why couldn't they go to her room and watch tv?? or just go in her room and hang out?
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 1:13 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • We don't allow friends into her bedroom. My dh and I believe that bedrooms are for sleeping in and that is all. She also does not have a tv in there per my dh and I house rules. We have the one tv in the family room.

    Thanks for the response.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Thats really ashame. Me and my friends used to have the best times hanging out late in each others rooms just talking and goofy off. Always good clean fun though. She's 16 maybe you could consider rethinking those rules. Your daughter could end up rebeling and such once she's 18. But of course its your house :) But knowing that being the rules. I would have let her have the tv in the living room and had your young one do something else.
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 1:20 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • yeah i agree. at 16 i think she should be allowed to have private time with friends and not be forced to share the family room with the rest of the family. her room should be her safe haven and her place of self expression. you know fixing it up with your own style and having your own stuff. not to mention to have fun with friends and privacy to talk about silly girl stuff. i wish my kids would use their rooms more often so that i could have the main tv but our main tv has digital cable and the xox which they use. the baby misses out on watching her tv shows then. even though our kids have tvs in their room we still are a close knit family. i would let her go to her room with friends. she may not need a tv but she should be entitled to have privacy especially if she is a good kid. she will learn more responsibility.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:36 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • That's almost funny. I have the same bedroom rule for my kids too. To answer your question I agree with you that it's not fair for your older DD to do to the little one. I would just talk to her about it. Does she have a show on at a certain time that she watches daily or weekly? I would ask her how she would feel if one of her sibling brought friends home on took over the TV so she couldn't watch it.

    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 1:50 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Sorry but I disagree with the above responses. All our children are subject to the same age appropriate rules and she acted out just because her friends were there. Thats something my kids do often so I can relate. We do not allow tvs in our bedrooms either. Its distracting and I cannot monitor it effectively. If she wanted to watch tv, then maybe it would be fitting of her to ask the other child if they minded if she changed it or told you in advance that she would be having friends. Compromise is always necessary in a household with that many people. We also have 4 kids and theres just no way to make everyone happy.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:58 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • cont....Our teen does not get special treatment because shes a teen. Theres still a minimum of respect that needs to be observed. I would just let her know that its not okay and leave it at that. I would come up with a better plan for next time. Younger siblings can often feel mistreated and unimportant by older siblings if this behavior is left unchecked. This happens in our house too. Good luck.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:58 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I think that she should have asked but on the other side I think that she and her friends need some teen free space to hang out and watch TV. They shouldn't have younger siblings around.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Some of the women seem to think that the teens need a space to hang out in...what happens if that is just not possible or condusive to the house that they live in???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Make it possible. Let them have time in the family room or the kitchen to just talk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

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