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What do I do when my 9 yr.old son tells me to shut up, stomps, slams doors and kicks and punches the walls?

Everytime I ask my 9 yr. old to do his homework clean his room or go to bed, He yells stomps and punches the wall! There are times he falls on the floor kicking and screaming! He has even hit himself in the face!

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ke_smith2008

Asked by ke_smith2008 at 1:31 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • YOU MUST HAVE ALLOWED SUCH DISRESPECT BEFORE THIS, OR ELSE HE WOULDN'T BE DOING IT NOW. YOU ARE THE PARENT, SET YOUR RULES AND REGULATIONS AND STICK TO THEM. IF HE DOESN'T COMPLY TAKE WAY THINGS HE LIKES, GROUND HIM FROM SEEING FRIENDS, DO ANYTHING YOU NEED TO DO TO SHOW HIM YOU ARE THE BOSS.

    IF ALL OF THIS FAILS THEN MAYBE SOME ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES, OR SOME COUNSELING MIGHT HELP. IF YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT NOW, HE WILL HIT YOU BY THE TIME HE REACHES PUBERTY.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:41 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • wow...I don't know...maybe its just a rebellion phase. Is he getting adequate sleep exercise etc? That can really effect a young boy.  Or is he overwhelmed with school an activities or something major change in the famly.  If something like that happened all you can really do is tell him when he's calm that you're there for him and you are willing to talk and listen to him only when he's not going to act violent.  Just keep to your guns and not let him have rewards of any kind for acting that way.  GL to you.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • It sounds like to me that he has an anger problem...
    Maybe taking him to talk to someone would benefit.
    I would not tolerate the shut up crap in the meantime.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:42 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My childrens counselor has us make the kids write out sentences. We do not believe in spanking our children at this age. We also take one thing away for each incident. ONE BY ONE
    angelwings63050

    Answer by angelwings63050 at 1:42 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Consistency is key. Develop a plan of action and stick to it. He needs help developing coping skills to deal with what he does not agree with. Develop a strict routine, homework at a certain time, room cleaned on a certain day, bedtime at the same time every night, etc. Do not deviate from the routine. The consistency should help to lessen his reaction after a while. As for the yelling, simply tell him," I understand that you are angry and I will be happy to talk with you about it as soon as you can use your words and talk with me calmly"....then walk away and let him have his fit. Anything he breaks or disrupts with this behavior should be corrected when he's calm. Attention often fuels negative behavior. Also make sure that you strongly praise anytime that he does as directed without getting into a confrontation with you. Good luck and stay strong.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 1:49 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • First of all, stop ASKING him to do anything. TELL him to do it. If he chooses not to follow your directions, then punishment should ensue. He would not be behaving in this manner if you hadn't of allowed it in the past. Now is the time to correct this...he is still young. Age appropriate punishments could include, but are not limited to: no TV time, no video games, no going and playing with friends, even at this age you can ground them. Enforce that all homework and chores be done when he comes home from school and before he can do anything extracurricular. Don't allow this foul behavior in your home. You need to be the parent.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I think I'd start with a hug. I've learned that many kids now are over stimulated from video games and tv just before bed to be able to wind down and go to bed. My dd saw a counselor for her boys having the same problem. They said to make it a process. Turn the video games /tv off 2 hours before bedtime for his age group. Sit down with him and help him begin his homework. After homework begin the process of bathing and getting ready for bed. A warm bath will help calm him down. Spend the remaining time talking with him and seeing how his day went and if life is throwing anything rough at him (give him undivided attention is the point). Try having him read to you or you read to him. I know it sounds like a lot but after a while it will just flow and it will be easier on you and your nerves!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:40 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • What is your response when he behaves this way? Do you let it go or do you discipline him for it? The FIRST time, I would have talked to him to find out what was wrong and if there was anything deeper going on. Regardless of his response it would have been explained that this was not an appropriate way to express his anger or frustration and that if he ever behaved this way again. consequences would occur. This should not be a threat, but a promise.
    If there are deeper issues at hand such as problems in the family, any recent traumatic changes or events in his life, or anything that may be the cause of these behaviors other than just disrespect and immaturity - get him some help.
    If this is due to just disrespect, him "trying you" or immaturity - develop and implement a behavior plan at home immediately and enforce it consistently.
    tsd

    Answer by tsd at 3:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Good God, I wonder what I have to look forward too? Because my 3 yr old already does things things! Thanks to his older brothers who are 15 and 13 yrs old.
    princess49615

    Answer by princess49615 at 4:17 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • oops, I meant these things.
    princess49615

    Answer by princess49615 at 4:18 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

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