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How can I change this....

Ok, so I guess I'm gonna pour my heart... My boyfriend and I dont live together, due to financial reasons we have to live at home with our parents (we're still young) but he's almost 5 years older than me, I'm 21. I work full time, while he doesn't. He usually comes over on weekends, and thinks like he is doing the greatest thing by just being there for me and our son (11 months). I know moms are supposed to do most of taking care of child and whatnot, which I do like 85%of, and whenever I ask him for help like "can you do this? I have to do____." He acts like I'm ordering him around. And whenever theres something we both want to do, or any problem that we can compromise to solve I'm always the first to budge o my position and try to compromise, he never inches, he tries to make me think he's compromising.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • And he expects to be catered to, like he deserves it, when I amd the one who works full time, AND takes care of the baby, AND I do all the chores that have to be done. Oh and he does nothing at his house, no chores, no nothing!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • You CAN NOT change him....
    what you can do is change yourself....
    and the situation...
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:27 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • It sounds as though he has it pretty good. No responsibility, doesn't need to work and still has a roof over his head and food and clothing, he gets to play with his child and doesn't need to do anything to provide for him. A serious talk is called for describing what is going on and that he needs to change and to start providing financial support at least for the child. Couples counseling perhaps, but if he has no job at his age, by choice, this is a very bad sign for the future and makes me think that your future and his are not the same.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:30 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • He has his mom buy diapers for the baby, and his family has plenty of money so they get him a lot of clothes and whatnot, plus I am on WiC so I get free baby food. Plus since ha insists on being a loser he has food stamps so I can save money on food for the house
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • You are calling your own boyfriend a loser...
    so look around next time he is with you and ask yourself why you tolerate his shit.
    You can change yourself by not tolerating him and you can change the situation by
    saying bye bye to your boyfriend the loser.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:44 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • i would find someone else who shares in this relationship better so that you can have a happy marriage if you ever want that but with this guy you'll never have that if he can't appreciate how good he has it now. he doesn't want to be a real father. welcome to the real world of having a baby with a loser guy. why are you still with the jerk. leave him asap.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 3:49 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • being 26 is not young... a man of that age should have his life in order, especially if he has a child... he needs to grow up. He isn't going to change over night though.. tough times call for some tough love.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • It unfortunately sounds like he comes over and hangs out because he feels he has to because he has a child now - not out of choice. That is probably why he doesn't lift a finger and doesn't feel a desire to compromise in any way. It sounds like you need to move on. But since you are using words like "loser" regarding him - remember, he is your baby's father. When your child is older, these words will turn him against his father. And no matter what your reasons are for being bitter towards him, it is not fair to bring your child into the same mindset. Your child will end up fatherless for sure because you will drive him far away.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • i think you need to tell him to man up, is there a reason one, that you cant live with him at his parents or he cant live with you at your parents? and two why is he not working full time? and if hes not working full time the baby care should be reversed he should be doing 85% (at least 75%) but maybe you need to tell him to man up or move on
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 4:28 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I DO love him tremendously, and hav tried telling him "MAN UP already" He thinks I am being ridiculous, like it SO hard to find a job (granted it is now) and I have even told him not to com over and if he wants to see our son he can take him for a ocuple adys during the week.
    and we cant live togetehr, b/c in my house its "not right" cuz were not married, and I cant live there cuz its too far from my job, I dont have a car, plus his parents just dont want it, I dont either really
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

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