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I'm like the dad to my on

I was in a 15 year relationship with a woman. I tried to conceive a baby. Miscarried only. She then tried and we had our daughter 13 years ago. During that time, early on I knew I wasn't a lesbian. But I loved our daughter so much, I buried those feelings. 10 years later, I couldn't deny it any more. I did not love my partner and decided to break up. My ex was VERY bitter and angry with me. We have 50 50 joint custody. A year after we broke up, I met my wonderful boyfriend who knows everything and is amazingly understanding and loves me and my daughter. She loves him too. But my ex is still very jealous of him and resents when our daughter enjoys the time she spends with him.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • you went into having that baby together, you both have rights.. I would explain to your daughter about how you tried and just couldn't have a baby, and they day she was born made all that pain go away... tell her you know her other mom is upset with you, and that that sometimes happens with adults, but it is in no way her fault. Stress how much you love her.. good luck.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:52 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • continued: So after spending and enjoying time with him after she sees my ex - she is cold and distant all over again. Last weekend, my daughter told me I wasn't her mom and hurt me very much with those words. I don't know what to do. It is torturing me as sometimes I feel like I'm only her nanny and my ex is her real mom.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • well you really aren't and never were her biological mother. you were at best the stepmother. i know it hurts cause you see her as your daughter but she is only really your step daughter. i think she is old enough now to know the truth and she shouldn't be confused about it. just tell her that you think of her as your own and that you love her very much. you can't make her see you as her mom when she has one and now your with someone of the opposite sex. you are both step parents to this girl. even if you have marriage rights if you do. then the facts are what they are and well sometimes that sucks. it sucks for her really. her mother shouldn't be talking crap about you to her. although she does deserve the truth.

    Answer by melody77 at 4:03 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • She has always known the truth about our family - it is my ex who is now turning her against me out of jealousy of my current relationship. And both my ex and I co-parented her and treated her equally. In fact, before the breakup - the bond my daughter and I shared was much stronger than my ex and her. I'm not trying to be her sole mother. It's just that I can see how women push the father of their child out of the picture when they are angry that he left. I feel I know what that feels like. I didn't give birth to her, but I feel as close as any mother. My ex has said horrible things that a child should not hear just because she was angry I broke up with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My ex told our daughter things like, "she doesn't deserve to be happy because she cheated on me" "she is a slut" "she is white trash" . . . things like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • i would talk to her and explain it takes more then giving birth to be a mother, and yes your ex is her mother but so are you and you where there for her through everything and you plan on being there through everything to come it sounds to me like she may just being a normal teen ager and she may very well go back to your ex and act the same way as a way to get what she wants from both of you

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 4:19 PM on Jan. 13, 2009