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Questions about insurance, wills, and such...having your affairs in order(kind of a grim question)?

Idk where to ask I hope this category...

I saw a commercial about how a death of a family can make an impact on how finance goes if they have insurance or wills and who will end up with the bills and such...burial plots, coffins, and it got me thinking.

As far as I know both side of our family....hubby's side and my side don't have their affairs in order. They don't even like to think the idea of's too grim. My parents side are not fond of life insurance...hated the fact that hubby have one of me..with all the news about hubby killing their spouse due to life insurance...they say you never know.

So how or if you have approach this subject to the parents without making it grim or make them think you're wanting them to die soon with all the questions? My mil is sensitive and plays on guilt so she might think and play on that.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Politics & Current Events

Answers (9)
  • this is something that I have talked about with my mom, and while she was defensive about it, I simply told her that it was irresponsible of her to leaver her troubles behind for me to take care of, since just because she dies does not mean her debts go away. I also told her it was not fair to not have a will made up, because in the end no one is going to know her wishes, and fights will ensue regarding her possesions.

    I do not know if she has done anything about it yet, but I just made her realize that this was not about what I could get, but it was about her being selfish and leaving behind a huge mess, even if it doesn't happen for 20+ years.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 3:53 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • You have to sit down with them and bring it up. Say that you want to make sure their wishes are observed. Ask them about what they have done to assure their final expenses are covered. Ask them to write down their assets and the banks where they have them. Where their legal papers are stored. Come back a week later, and if this hasn't been done, bring along a tablet and offer to write it down for them. If they are suspicious, tell them that you don't even need a copy, but you need to know where the original will be stored so if something happens to them you can find it. Offer to go with them to a lawyer to settle wills, living wills, health power of attorney, and so forth. Find out where all important papers are stored. Ask them to make an inventory of their valuable goods, You don't even need to see it, but it should be done.

    Answer by Bmat at 3:56 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Perhaps talk about how they want to "grow old" first. If one were to pass, have they prepared for the other, then slowly ease into more. Good Luck. Touchy subject

    Answer by grlygrlz2 at 3:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I wanted to add that we just went through this with my uncle who is in poor health. His wife has alzheimers, and he waited too long and now she is unable to sign legal documents. Your parents need to appoint an executor. It really is too late when the person passes on and those left behind have no information. My MIL prepaid her funeral, all we had to do was the flowers, she had made all arrangements and it made it so much simpler for us. She had her legal papers organized so it was easy to find where her assets were and to dispose of her house.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:00 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Every state is different and you should first consult a good estate lawyer, and know what is best to offer anyone you are suggesting insurance plans or estate planning, or death benefit proceeds to.

    Answer by akinbottom2 at 4:35 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • You could point out that if they don't have a will, then all their assets can be frozen by the State until you can prove that you are the ones entitled to them - and that means that you would have to bear the burden of their burial and everything up front, because, since they are your loved ones, you of course would give them a proper burial, but you wouldn't have the means of doing it.

    Not to mention the fact that legally, you wouldn't even be entitled to personal mementos to remember them by until it was all sorted out. My mil is an only child, her mom didn't have a will, she thought there wasn't a need, because it would all go to her dd (my mil). She had to prove to the State that there wasn't anyone else in the shadows (even long lost adopted kids from her mom's youth, etc), that would be able to have a claim. My grandmother, on the other hand, had 5 kids, did a will and it was settled pretty quickly.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:39 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Talk to your families. My dad died without working all the details out. It gave my brother the opening to steal over 250K from my elderly mother. (She's 89 now.) My mom should have been set for life, instead she is now on Medicaid.

    Answer by mancosmomma at 6:26 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I agree that the best way to bring it up would be to "ease" into the convo by addressing where they want to live after retirement, how they will support themselves (you could always bring it up in relation to the economic crisis - ask if they've lost any of their retirement money due to stock market problems). These convos generally lead into more in-depth kind of things, and may lead you to your answers as to what they plan on doing when their time comes.

    Answer by Iskkra at 7:15 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • My mom and I have actually discussed this in pretty good depth. She has a will drawn up and has most things in order...Now where the Heck I would find them...Thats a great question I will certaily have to bring up to her sometime soon.

    My Dad..who knows, I have tried to talk to him about it, but he really doesnt care to talk about it..wants to know if Im planning something, Hes joking when he says this but doesnt realize I am worried. He lives in Nevada and I dont know anything about what his plans are...maybe he is planning on telling his 5th...YES 5th WIFE!

    Answer by MYnKURTMOM at 7:46 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

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