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Should I stay with my selfish , controlling husband of 12 years?

my husband is very controlling , selfish and quick to anger. I am afraid if I leave I won't be able to make it on my own finacially. Right now we are staying at his mother's house because we both were laid off for awhile and lost our house. I don't feel like he even wants to try and get a place of our own, he is not even trying to save any money. He just bought a boat for 350.00 and now is wanting to buy a trailer to go with it. He also is buying a cheap truck because he had to sell his to move back home. He continues to spend money on things for himself saying he deserves it because he works hard, and that I only work part time, and I just take care of the house, bills, shopping ,laundry etc. I don't make enough money to live on my own. I would appreciate any suggestions.

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nanizali

Asked by nanizali at 7:15 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Do you have family or friends you can stay with until things get better for you financially? that might be the best thing for you to do, if possible. Or maybe a womens shelter. But you have to ask yourself do you really want to leave? We really cant answer for you, you have to do what you want and what is right for you.
    Candice_brooke

    Answer by Candice_brooke at 7:18 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Since youre both out of work its the best time to leave. Fresh start so to speak and you will drop the dead weight keeping you down. I would start squirreling money away, maybe open a bank account he knows nothing about. Have the statements go to a friends. Save up a bit, contact a DV shelter and see what kind of housing they know about and then leave. He wont know what hit him.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:23 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Get your own act together so you don't have to depend on anyone. Maybe some of his actions are because of the situation you two are in. He may be depressed. His ego may be blown and he's not dealing with it well. Was he always this way, or just after he lost his job and home? The spending can be a sign of denial.
    halfpint_ny

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 7:24 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • halfpint, he may be in denial, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour. OP, the behaviour is abusive, and if it keeps up, it will get worse unless he has a wake-up call and WANTS to change. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen often. Get out while you can. Like gemgem said, this would be the best time.
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 7:42 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • If there are no children to consider, then why aren't you packing already? One thing about women is that we can start out small and over time build a nest egg of substantial porportion. So what if you have to get an effiecency, or 1br, by yourself for a while. It will be painful and take some getting used to, but not having him looking over your shoulders will work wonders for your self-esteem. If he has his momma, he don't need 2. Pack your stuff and get out while you've still got youth and energy. It's not finding a man that's hard, it's finding a good one. If you've been of the market for 12 yr's girlfriend you'll be a hot commodity! Believe in yourself. After 12 yrs with him look where you are now. Now where do you think you'll be in 12 yrs from now if you start out on your own? Best of liuck to you.
    Dmommy4

    Answer by Dmommy4 at 8:17 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • my dd's bf does that. He buys stupid stuff to keep them broke so she has to stay with him. Find out about subsidized housing and get a place of your own based on your income. Let him live in his stupid boat.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:27 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I'M SURE YOU WERE THE LADY WHO ASKED THE QUESTIONS ABOUT WANTING TO BE PREGNANT SO BAD AND YOUR SISTER REJECTED YOU...WHY DO YOU WANT A BABY IN THIS SITUATION?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • if your job pays for the bills, laundry, and shopping.....there isn't much left lol. just rent. find somplace cheap
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:18 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • ok freeze!!!!!!! only you know if you should or shouldnt leave your husband the best advice i can give you here is follow your heart and make you happy but i will say it is not easy as single mom
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 4:51 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

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