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Am I overreacting? Kind of a long explanation, but I need some advice.

DH starts graduate school in January 2010. The program lasts for about a year and a half, maybe two, and the Army is footing the bill. This will be his full-time job and he will still receive his normal salary and benefits. I'm beyond excited for him!! Not having to do his normal job will allow him to truly focus on school. Plus, he'll have tons more time with our girls.



When we married, I was a teacher. Once we had a child, we decided that I'd be a full-time SAHM until both girls have finished Kindergarten. At that point I'll return to teaching--which I want. But he's always known that I've desired to continue my education too. I asked him recently if he minded my returning to school once our younger daughter is in Kindergarten so that I could re-enter the teaching profession with a graduate degree (higher pay), he said, "We'll see." This really upset me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Why did we'll see upset you? It doesn't sound like it is a bad thing. Maybe he had to much on his mind right now to think about it at the moment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • You deserve to do that too if its what you want!! I know you know it won't be Easy! But work on it if that's your big choice and what you have to do to be fulfilled! I wish you every happiness!!
    Angellinda

    Answer by Angellinda at 7:53 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Even though you married this man, he cannot stop you from furthering your education. DOes he not realize that with a graduates degree, Your pay will go up and thats more money to take care of your bills and get the things your girls need. To me thats wrong for him to say we'll see because your girls are in school then and you deserve to do something you want after going through 2 pregnancies and raising the girls.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • How old are your children? If it's going to be 3, 4, or 5 years until your youngest finishes Kindergarten, I can understand your husband not wanting to think that far ahead! Once your husband is done with his graduate program, and things settle down, I'm SURE he'll encourage you to fulfill your dreams.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:55 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I can see how that would upset you. I would just TELL him that you are going to do it. Just because he is your hubby doesn't mean that he can tell you that you can't. If it is something that you truly desire than you will find a way to do it, with his approval or not. Even if that means waiting until the kids are all grown up, if you really want it you WILL do it.
    lilbit837

    Answer by lilbit837 at 7:56 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I don't think you're over reacting at all sweetie. Is his success any more important than yours? If his career is taking off right now, or about to, then great for him. But is really great for you both? I'm sure you'd like some of the lime light too. If you're married and have kids together, and it's something you've already discussed in the past, my suggestion to you is, don't leave it up to him to decide for you. Make your own decision and stick to it. If you do it while the baby is in school, how does it upset his schedule in any way? My freshman yr of college, my oldest (2@ the time) was going to school w/me every morning, cause I put her in an on campus day care. Don't let him hold you back, and don't let uncertainty cause you to procrastinate any longer. This is a new year, do you thing girl.
    Dmommy4

    Answer by Dmommy4 at 7:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I understand why it upset her, in my experience "we'll see" is another way of saying probably won't happen. However, in this case, it may well be that he had too much on his mind and needs to digest all of it. Although if he'd said it sounds like a good idea or something that would have been more encouraging. I wonder if you can move forward with your plans, work out how it could be handled, start putting money aside for it, and so forth. It may well still happen, especially when your husband has time to get used to all that is going on with his education.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:02 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I think that if furthering your education is what YOU want to do then you should do it because its in the best interest of you and your family. As far as his comment, maybe he doesnt like the possibility of his wife being the bread winner or it could be something way of from what your thinking. Have a talk with him. Let him kno that the comment bothered you and see what he really meant
    JuJu_Bean

    Answer by JuJu_Bean at 8:15 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • It could mean a lot of things by him saying this... he could mean lets wait and see how this position works out for me before we both go back to school... or lets see if we have the funding.. or he could be use to you being home and maybe dislike the idea of you going back to work... I would ask him if there were any reasons why he might not want you to go back for your graduates degree... that way he can explain what he really meant... then if it's unreasonable, you can overreact.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 8:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • I tell my husband, "We'll see" all of the time and it isn't a sugar coated way of saying no. If it is far off into the future then we don't know what can happen between now and then and I would rather give him a solid "we'll see" than to tell him what he wants to hear and what I would like to tell him and then have it not come to pass. Or if I have a lot going on "we'll see" is my way of putting it off until I have enough time to process all of the info. It's not a no and it's not necessarily a bad thing...it's a "we'll see."
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 9:08 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

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