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Case of Tough Love- Is it wrong?

Just checkin. I believe in letting my son learn. Sometimes i tell him repeatedly NOT to do something because he could get hurt and sometimes i get fustrated and believe that if he gets hurt he will learn... and most the time he does... Is this wrong? Such as playing on the furniture- i tell him not to stand on the chairs or jump over the couch... hes 2 and loves to test his limits... There are times that he will fall off the couch and hit his knee or one time he bumped his head on a chair because he slipped- me standing right there- and he was fine-not even a bump just a big ouch to make him think. And he stops because now he can connect it to OUCH. Is it wrong to believe in tough love? That if he doesnt listen to let him learn himself Y mommy says NO.

Answer Question

Asked by trystons_mommy at 8:04 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,507 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • nope i do tough love with my sons 2 and 4 yrs old 2yr old just had a burn on his had because i told him thousands of times not to touch the light bulb in the lamp and he did it one day and i said see its hot and now you have a boo boo the only way they will learn is by mistakes made and examples set...its how we all learn in life...good luck

    Answer by connorsmom22607 at 8:17 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Yes it is wrong. My father let me touch a hot stove when I was young because he had told me several times not to and figured I would learn by being burned. A parent has a responsiblity to explain to a child not to do something because they will or could get hurt by an action. ALL children test their limits- this is normal and expected.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • That is sick, connorsmom22607. A two year old does not understand the concept of why he gets hurt and it is your responsiblity to prevent it. You could of simply put him close to the light, let his hand feel the heat over the bulb and he would possibly understand it was hot. Letting him burn himself, not acceptable punishment for mere curiosity.

    I recommend a parenting class. It might help you to react better to situations like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • There are certain times when it's appropriate, I think. Not in a dangerous situation where they could actually be maimed or seriously hurt....but there does come a time when it's more of a "they'll only do it once" situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Please. That type of parerting is how many children have ER visits.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:33 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Make sure you know the difference between Tough Love and just not wanting to teach discipline and obedience. At two--he needs to learn obedience and discipline far more than he needs to learn from his mistakes-----


    Answer by Ronnie80 at 9:09 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Sorry it isn't wrong, sometimes they need to figure it out for themsleves. I wouldn't call it tough love, it's just one way a child learns. My littlest was a climber, first it was the kitchen chairs, no matter how many times I said no he would still climb them, he fell off twice, then he figured out he could climb from the chairs to the kitchen table, and he fell of twice. He did learn, I don't stand over them as they fall, but if they climb it and I am not there they learn what could happen.

    I have 7 kids and not once has any of them ended up in an ER for learning something the hard way. Ronnie80 children learn discipline from thier mistakes, it's thier mistakes that lead parents to correct them.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 9:23 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • There is nothing wrong with a little tough love, sometimes the only way for them to learn is to let them get bumps and bruises, my daughter learned to never crawl under a trampoline while someone was jumping after she got her head jumped on and ended up with a concussion. (she was at a friend's house) and they were warned never to go underneath it.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:47 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Some kids need to learn from their own mistakes. One of my boys has to experiment with "cause and effect" almost daily. He never takes my word for anything, lol. If I say "if you do that it's going to hurt", he says "no, mom, it won't". I have to let him learn his way.

    Tough love is fine. It's just something we all have to do!

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 9:55 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Oh so you told your child a thousand times not to run in the street and your sick of saying it. So let the child run in the street and get hit by a car "to learn" the consequences of not listening to mommy. Yes, tough love. How lovely. This is basically what the moms that let their child get burned are doing.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

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