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How does a family adoption affect all involved?

I am 19 years old and am considering having my aunt adopt my unborn baby. I want the best for my baby and at my age can not provide what I believe is best. I do not know how a family adoption affects all involved though and want more information.

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amichelle89

Asked by amichelle89 at 9:44 PM on Jan. 13, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (21)
  • Adoption PERIOD affects all. We adopted a close friends baby (known her since we were pre teens). And it did change the type of relationship we had. I was told that may happen. Just be sure that this is what you want and remember that nothing is certain, no one is perfect and to try to do everything that is in the best interest of the baby. I'm not sure if anyone on here has done a family adoption or not, maybe someone can help you.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 9:51 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Hi - I have a phd in teen counseling and I do a lot of counseling with teens and pregnant teens. We have one here now that is pregnant and looking into adoption. I really don't recommend family members adopting relatives if it isn't necessary. A lot of things can go wrong. Like Babycakes said, the relationship changes. I advise you to look into an adoption agency that will steer you away from relatives. I know the idea of a relative sounds good to you now but I really think you will regret it later on.

    puppies651

    Answer by puppies651 at 10:13 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • There are a few birthmoms here on CafeMom that have family members who adopted their children. As with all things involving humans, there are no formulas in adoption that can guarantee a perfect outcome. With all forms of adoption, the personalities of the individuals involved and the willingness to work together for the sake of the adoptee is what matters most. If you would like to talk to the birth moms I know I'd be happy to do a connection (PM me if you are interested). I am both an adult adoptee and birth mom.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 11:03 PM on Jan. 13, 2009

  • Family adoptions have some different dynamics than stranger adoptions. However, if there must be an adoption, I think keeping a child within the family often benefits the child. But, yes, it does often change family relationships. I invite you to my group to discuss your options. (Pregnant and Considering Options) http://www.cafemom.com/group/26942

    Maybe you feel not totally prepared to provide all your child deserves right now....but that is temporary. Adoption is forever, and carries with it lifelong consequences for all.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:34 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • i was 19 when i had my daughter and on top of that she has health problems i was not at all ready for it i lost a good part of my life i could of been sleeping in having fun and and doing things i wanted to now i cant work or go back to school i have no one to watch her and she cant go to daycare because if she got sick she could die i love her to pieces but i could not bare to give her up when i found out she was sick but i stay down all the time because i am always at home i love this sight because there are moms lol well anyways i think that is great that your aunt could adopt your baby because when you both got older the baby could even know you as there mother but you do what is right for you k hope all goes well for you good luck
    happymama7

    Answer by happymama7 at 2:26 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • This is strictly my opinion - but I think family adoptions are simply a bad idea. If you must choose adoption and have definitely made your mind up I feel a better alternative is an adoption with a family you won't have to see on a daily basis. If I try to put myself in that position, I think I wouldn't want the reminder 24/7.
    Jill42721

    Answer by Jill42721 at 8:47 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I don't know how to word this but I just wanted to add something.I think when ppl adopt close friends/family children, it makes you more sensitive to the situation. You know, you know them, you love them, you DON'T want to hurt them (in most cases that I've heard of). If you adopt a stranger's child, you may not have any "emotional attachment " to them. I think it makes it less likely for someone to completely close an adoption. Yuo also have to pretty much "add" to your family, in an open adoption and sometimes that can be hard to do. But in our case, its like we're already family, SO I do believe there are positives...but like I said, our relationship HAS changed.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 8:50 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I am a proud mom because of my niece....Yes your relationship changes!!!! Ours had always been close...and it still is.....


    I would really think it over....when my niece asked me "what would you do if it was you that was pregnant."? I told her the truth.....I would do everything I could to keep the baby....She was very mature in wanting what was best for the baby and not what was best for her. Yes, it is hard for family to accept what you and your aunt are discussing but, if you and your aunt outline and talk over every aspect of the adoption it can work...Ours did and my niece and I are even closer...


    It may not work for all familys but, there are more of us out there that it was a win win situation for all...


    Cindy


     

    bluecyd

    Answer by bluecyd at 10:10 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • bluecyd, that happened to me as well with my close friend. She asked me if I would ever relinquish and I told her not ever in my life. Unless I was on the street homeless and my children had no food or a place to l ive and NOONE in my family could take them (which is impossible lol) then obviously I'd want them to be taken care of. But just because I couldn;t "spoil" them with materialistic things and buy them name brand clothes, no I wouldn't. his mother is really big on spoiling and said that if she couldn't spoil him like her first child, then she wouldn't keep him. So we were for certain that this was a phase and that when she saw him, she'd change her mind.
    Nope.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 10:34 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • We are currently in the process of adopting our 2 grandchildren due to removal by the state however we are still in contact with my daughter. It does change things and at times it is VERY hard. She calls them her children (which they are hers by birth) when they are now ours (by adoption) and tries to tell us how we need to raise them. At the same time she also realizes that this is the best possible home they could be in and she still gets to see them. Yes it's hard but neither of us would ever change it. To change it would mean they went to strangers and never know their entire family. Family is very supportive of it and we're still working things out but if you and your Aunt are willing to work things out I say go for it. I would also suggest that you be honest with the child as secrets have a way of coming out and could harm the child in the future.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 10:42 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

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