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What do you get when your 14 y.o. son cops an attitude??

A VERY frustrated mom! I have joint custody of my son and get along better with his dad now than when we were married, so that's a good thing. BUT...my ex has the fear of God scared into my son so he "seems" to listen and be more respectful when he's with him than w/me. I discipline him but I'm not so hard on him like his dad - but there are times when he talks back to me and I could just slap him silly! He jokes a lot because that's what he and his dad do, but it gets real old real fast. I know a lot of this has to do with his age and hormones, but I just don't get it. I've asked him if I should just be a meaner mom and lay down the law (persay) and not go as easy on him as I have been. His dad holds him to extremely high standards and jumps all over him (especially in sports) when he makes a mistake - it's a long story. I'm just wondering what most of you do with the teenagers and their attitudes?? Thank you! :p

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MNChristy

Asked by MNChristy at 12:58 AM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (8)
  • I take him downstairs to our wrestling mats and pin him until he cries mercy. :) It works and reminds him who is boss.
    When you say he is being smart, do you mean he crosses the line? I noticed with my 14 yo boy he jokes around all the time, but sometimes doesn't know when to quit.
    I have actually started saying...I cannot cope with your humor right now, if you continue to tease and taunt me I will be upset. Sometimes it will make me cry or I will get angry. (It used to.) He is getting better. I am trying to relax the control a little and talk to him more like I will with a coworker. He has a lot of freedom, but a lot of responsibility, so it is out of respect for him that I communicate when I am about to loose it. Does that make sense? (My pain med is kicking in LOL..)
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 1:23 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I take things from him. he has to earn them back. He knows the routine by now. He jokes a lot and after he is rude he says mom I'm a teen its just a phase don't worry and laughs. He's a mommas boy at times lol. oh plus I made him join the young marines too...haha... Boot camp was one week and now he's 1st private. Good nite and best of luck!!
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 2:24 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • It really is the age, four of mine are teens (15, 16, 16, 17). And I remember this stage SO well. One thing that worked was letting them know that "I am no longer playing and that they are crossing a line". That's warning one.... now "I am done take your smart a*& to your room". Were they stay until I cool down. Then I let them know that when I say enough I mean enough. It takes a while, the thing to remind yourself is that most of the time, they are just joking, they usually don't mean any harm, so they don't see it as a big deal. But teaching them to respect your boundries (yes....again) is also important.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:48 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Great...so I have that to look forward to too? Luckily, my son is only ten, but I do have a 15 year old girl. GIRLS are a breed all their own. They have that whole hormonal, premenstrual thing going on and it lasts for the ENTIRE MONTH!!! Geez, I have done everything with her "smart mouth" and "better than thou" attitude, but I still feel like I'm beating my head up against a brick wall. Oh, and the "eye roll" is the worst!!! Never fails...daytime, nighttime, all the time with the eye roll....(shish) ....I need advice for teenage girls AND boys!!!! HELP
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 2:45 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • the best advice I have ever received was that our teens dont have to be brats. this is for you too lighthousemom3
    I have 3 girls, 22,19,15 2 boys, 9&5
    The girls they like the one on one with mom and remember say to them I am your mom one day I will be your friend" my girls know that for now I am the MOM I will allow you your say~with respect, just as they would want yours~ and we have a great relationship. Not saying I don't get the eyes or the Bad Attitude. that always goes back to bed regardless of the age. and the girls will normally sleep through the afternoon. they have a tremendous amount of responsibility and can feel all alone. they are learning how to deal with peers and school and new rules.

    Your the parent first than the friend.
    teachermomof5

    Answer by teachermomof5 at 6:36 PM on Jan. 14, 2009


  • cont.
    The boys I am looking forward to them being a responsible teen. I am reading a book "CREATED FOR WORK" By Bob Schultz and am so excited to see my boys grow. it has given me great insight to the boys in my life. LAY DOWN THE RULES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THAT THEY KNOW. AND YOU KNOW, No kidney punches form you or them.
    Tell them if your not sure let us talk and think this through. any activities need to be 4/5days in advanced if it is something that needs to be checked into. or they don't go. this is for any gender.
    teach your boys to love and respect you mom or they wont respect their wife.



    teachermomof5

    Answer by teachermomof5 at 6:39 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I have custody of my 15 y.o. daughter. Her dad, stepmom and I are good friends, but it makes me mad that she will do chores, etc. for him and not for me. I think it is because I wanted to be nice to her like a friend, so she disrespects me. He treats her like a child which she respects more. I let her do what is responsibly right. He lays down the law. Maybe kids this age need more structure and firmness than a parent friend. I'm trying to figure it out too.
    Havingfun13

    Answer by Havingfun13 at 9:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Havingfun - that sounds like my son and I - his dad has the fear of God scared into my son and I end up being the "softy" when it comes to different things. Hmmm....I'm thinking I need to turn it around - but at this age?? How the heck do I go about being less of a friend? His dad expects so much out of him because he has nothing else in life but our son, I truly believe he will die a lonely old man because he has such high expectations for people. I was in shape when we met and of course put on some weight when I gave birth - but apparently I was suppose to lose it all right away and when that didn't happen, that's when I found out how shallow my now ex is. It's a really long story with him but he puts every ounce of energy into our son (which is not a total bad thing) but also expects the very best out of him without any leeway. OYE! So frustrating at times. Thanks for all your answers!
    MNChristy

    Answer by MNChristy at 11:49 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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