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ISSUE W BD

My baby's father and I had so many issues before I was pregnant we barely knew eachother, he was still in love with his ex, he treated me like S*** when I was preg and been on and off jobs, drug addiction, hasn't done nothing for his son, has no responsibility I pretty much put behind me the past of my pregnancy and gave him 2 chances to be a father to his son he went back to the same old so I stopped letting him c him for about 4 months, he started begging me and pleading and swearing that he would change for his son once again I didn't want to do it, but I started letting him c him again, the argueing is not as bad but he acts like we're together or something sometimes and I feel like he is wanting to get somewhere with me now but i dont see it, i am just worried about my son not about him and I but I am having mixed feelings in that part, but I just feel like I don't want him in his life

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:22 AM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • ok and it would talk some one anonymous to leave a dumbass reply like that, anyhow i personally would set my boundries and make it clear you two will never be a "we" again, make it clear you are glad he is spending time with his son (even if you really aren't) honestly all children are better off having two parents wether they are together or not, dont take that away from your son as long as his dad is a "safe" person to be around, this may be hard on you but like you said it's whats best for your son, just make sure you set your boundries now so he doesnt get "confused" later
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 3:47 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Supervised visitations are ideal when a person has history of drug/alcohol abuse. Make it clear that there is no WE other than WE are his parents etc... I hope for your sons sake that this time he really is able to straighten up and good luck to all 3 of you
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:15 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • We have removed at least one answer from this question. Moms are looking for responses from other members that address the question they have asked. Please don't post judgmental answers, they're not appreciated and will be removed by the CafeMom Team.

    ::The CafeMom Admin Team
    CafeMom Admin

    Answer by CafeMom Admin at 6:04 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I think you should let him know very clearly that you are not a couple, but he is the father to your child. If he wants to see the child, generally speaking the child will benefit from knowing his Dad. Of course you do have to put the child's safety first of all, so you do have to use your judgement. This is a hard situation.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 8:25 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Well let me say this. Once he realizes there is no "we" in this relationship he won't be coming around as much as he is now. I have done it and I have been there and my daughter is fixing to be 7 and her dad sees her maybe once a month. Once he realized I moved on and he had no chance he quit coming around. I would just tell him straight up front that he can come see the baby but don't do it for you b/c yall togther are thru. You would love for him to be in his child's life but if he can't doit without thinking yall are getting back together then you don't want him there.
    momwifelove

    Answer by momwifelove at 1:58 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • YOUR FIRST MIND IS ALWAYS RIGHT. you know ur situation better than any of us. don't allow him to close only to be disappointed by him you know? Good luck 2u with that, you do have the right to decide what you want in yo life though as well as his...............
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I didn't even see what that other person put down as an answer, the one that was removed, and thanks to all, You know I actually realized that he hasn't been trying to come around as much cause I told him to not act like we are together cause he knows we are nothing and he had nothing to say but ok, cause he has been calling me and i dont answer and then he askes me if im upset and Im like no I just dont have to pick up the phone for you just like if i were to call u you wouldnt have to pick up cause we are not together, I have never felt safe leaving my son with him. He doesn't have any kind of responsibility. He is 25 and his parents do everything for him that's why he doesnt learn his lesson. He has charges pending but I dont know what the outcome will be yet, then again his parents are paying for a lawyer.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

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