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How do I know my Teenage Son is/isn't having sex? (Found texting "symbols" on his phone to girlfriend)

My Husband & I just grounded 1 of my teen sons' from his cell due to his texting bill being over $400. I looked thru his phone & found a few texting messages that looked like boobs & an animal face of a cat. So I would like to know is this a sign that he IS having sex already. We are concerned since they are just a Freshman but go to different schools and WAAAAY too young to be parents, also I DO NOT want to be a Grandma/Na-na/Mi-Mi in My Mid-30's. When they are together in our house they are not left alone but I am not sure if they are left alone when they are at her house. I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt and yes I have given him the sex talk.Should my Husband and I invite the other parents for a dinner, just us 4, to talk about what we should look out for and then speak to the kids alone or together?My Philosophy to my sons' since they were in Elementary was and still is: School, College, Career.


Asked by XBMom2000 at 11:03 AM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (16)
  • I'm going to give you an opinion different from everyone else's and perhaps a bit harder to take with ease. I believe that if you teach your children from an early age as you have that school & career is first and than everything else follows in time usually follow what they believed in all along . However, the text messaging doesn't necessarily mean that, my 16 year old texts the craziest things joking with her friends. Now a days we must believe that the foundation you laid is enough to lead him in the right direction, sometimes we just don't want the wings cut off and we "helicopter" moms always hovering over them, just give him space and advice when he might needed or when he asks for it, he will make his own decisions, mistakes and consequences it's all part of the "growing up" process, just let it be and be there for him whatever road he may take.


    Answer by Hurtnlostmom at 2:39 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • you can't know unless he tells you and you are certain he is telling the truth so youre not gonna know. but I will say the texting of pictures is p[retty normal for the boys. everyone I know has caught their sons doing it and they have all lost their phones for a bit. One mom acted like she didn't know what the text pictures were and made her son tell her what they were. he was so mortified I don't think he will ever do it again.

    Answer by Lyndall at 11:07 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I don't think boobs and a kitty face is ANY Reason to accuse sex lol However, it would be nice o be on the same page as the other parents. Don't give them a chance and hope that you have instilled good enough morals and values in your son so that he will wait. Not all kids are sex crazed zombies. I waited and I know plenty of others who did too.

    Answer by navy-wife at 11:08 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Good Luck. Kids these days are so far gone! No matter how well they were raised,they will find ways to deceive the parents. I started at 14 and my mom didn't find out till the next year and I wasn't that great about hiding things so I don't know where you should even start. It's possible that they're doing things but hopefully not going all the way! My heart goes out to you......I'm so not looking forward to those days with my kids!

    Answer by pinkclover at 11:10 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Just ask him if he's having sex. He may lie or tell the truth but you should have that open relationship with him. Let him know if he is he needs to be protected becuz not only can he get the girl pregnant but STD's are also a serious issue. I think inviting the parents over is a good idea (sometimes parents get together after the girl gets pregnant, by then its too late) Keep that communication window open and let him know he can talk to you about anything. Let your husband talk to him first though, just in case he has any questions and is too embarassed to ask around you

    Answer by Krystle21 at 11:11 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • you never know i mean he might be he might not be at that age i was but i am not him and he is not me .you wont know for sure unless he tells you or you catch them doing something .you could always ask him what the pics in his phone mean and why they are in there .even if he texts something dont mean he is doing it tho .well all i can say on this one is good luck

    Answer by britme1027 at 11:11 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Have you asked him?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • My husband (step father & 1st time Dad) and I have totally different views of the sex talk. His version is to throw a box of condoms and tell him use them just don't bring me back Grandkids. My talk was more in dept, the diseases and more in the financial strain of having kids sooo young. I was a young Mom (18yrs) & I struggled & they know cuz I tell them that it was always overwhelming for me being so young. I have installed good morals for them, church/family/manners/respect and everyone has applauded me for raising them alone to be respectable well mannered boys. I raised them alone & it is hard to let go and begin to realize they are growing up. My husband is a Major Blessing in our lives. He has took alot of the fatherly parenting off my hands as I still am the disciplary one and the Motherly one. I want to make sure he is happy and still yet kidless by the time he goes off to College.

    Answer by XBMom2000 at 11:30 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • There is no way to know for sure unless he comes out and says yes I am. I have had the indepth sex talk with my kids, I have always done it and everything is an open book. My kids can't date until they are 16, so as part of thier 16th b-day present they for condoms, which they had to buy themselves. I wanted them confortable with it and to understand that it is thier responsibility and nobody else's (even the girls). Suprisingly they weren't to embaressed by it. But then again my one said has said that after his first time he is going to come and tell me all about it, revenge as he says, because I hold nothing back when they have questions.

    Ask and see that's the only way you will get a clue.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 1:06 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Although my 15 year old girl can't date yet, I do know that some of her friends who are allowed are having sex. She knows 1 who is 13 and 7 months pregnant. I have a pretty open relationship with my daughter, and we have talked often about the responsibilities involved with sex. She knows that I am against sex before marriage...or at least before age 45 lol....but, you just never know what they will do when faced with the situation. I do know that text messaging is common and all those little faces and stuff is common too. What it means ...REALLY MEANS... noone will ever know but them.
    Give your son the benefit of the doubt, but let him know that if he lies to you and breaks that trust, it will be near impossible to ever get it back. Trust between parent and teen can become very shaky ground...Good Luck!!!

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 2:40 PM on Jan. 14, 2009