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I love my Husband. And I love my Step kids... but I hate the way my step kids act (we got custody of them a year ago) And I don't want my two yonger children actting like that. Thats not the way I want to raise them. I'm at a point were I just want to leave. I know this isn't alot of deatils... But what do you guys think I should do?

Should I stay? Or should I raise them away from the drama and actting up my husbands kids do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Jul. 17, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • How large an age difference is there between the two sets of kids?

    Answer by lawmom623 at 8:28 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • Have you talked to your husband about it?

    Answer by Amber1109 at 8:34 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I think that is something to consider is the age difference, but also being honest with your husband about how you feel and why. Older siblings whether they are step or not are role models for the younger ones. I don't say just up and leave. You did make a commitment to your husband for better or worse. Hope all turns out well for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • They live in your house, they should follow your rules. Talk to your husband and tell him that he needs to get a handle on the situation. They are probably just trying to see how far the can push you and want to see if you are going to stand up to their horrid behavior.

    Answer by Mrs.Chase at 8:55 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • First off, if you have full custody of the children you should definitly stop treating them like his kids and start treating them the same way you treat your own. That means in all aspects, including discipline. Depending on their ages, it probably will not be an easy process but personally I think is worth the effort if you love your husband. And don't forget him, he's got to be on the same regimine you are with disiplining the kids. Give that a good try first before you start thinking of thw much more drastic options.

    Answer by Hannah-Belle at 9:35 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • Thank you for you anwsers. My kids are 2 and 8 mnths. My stepkids are 9, 7 and 3. They all play together alot. I have noticed my sons behavier has changed, more since my two stepdaughters have been home. I know they are not just his children I know that they are mine too, but I don't think I was ready to have so many kids day in and day out. There birthmother had them when me and there father got together, we only had them weekends. Now she is off partying, and having fun, and I am at home trying to instill good manners in these kids before they drive me up the wall. I love them I REALLY do, I don't treat them any different then my two babies, but these kids are so set in there ways. And yes I made a comittment to my husband, but I also made a committment to my 2 youngest, when I had them, to be the best mommy I can be, and I don't feel like I can do that when I am constantly having to yell at my three step kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • As for my husband. We still don't quite agree when it comes to disipling. He takes the constent yelling, mad spanking approch, and thats not how I was raised. But thats all these kids know, and I am the one who is home with them all day. So I am the one who feels like she is loseing her mind.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • The 9 and 7 year olds are definitely old enough to know that you expect them to behave. 9 is NOT too old for a time out! Sit down with DH and outline some house rules for these kids that you can both live with, then enforce them! I like positive reinforcement (reward systems) whenever possible, but I use negative (punishment) when I can't shape behavior with positive. Stop putting up with the drama. It will be hard to change things now after having put up with the problems, but it is definitely do-able. If you have difficulties, consider seeing a counselor as a family to find some workable solutions!

    Answer by lawmom623 at 11:21 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • Thank you so much!! I've considered conseling anyways because the girls still remember all the problems their parents had when they were still together. I have another quick question though. I set up some house rules, I thought it was simple enought but they find more things to do thats just bad!! I caught my 7 year old up on my 9 year olds shoulders. They could have fallen down and broken thier necks. I mean come on what are they thinking. Do I need to put up a rule that says No climbing on one anothers shoulders. Also today my 2 year old took a empty pringles container from my nine year old so SHE pushed him. Now I know what he did was wrong. But she is so much bigger then him and she PUSHED him. Later he put his leg in the pringles container and walked around in it. Almost twisted his ankle. I found out my 9 year old taught him that?!?!? She was still introuble for pushing him. So I had to double he punishment. I'm just having a really bad day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • Kids will find so many ways to annoy you! We have 5 main rules:
    1) be respectful (covers obedience, courtesy, etc)
    2) be kind (this includes no hitting, no spitting, no kicking, no pushing, no name calling)
    3) be responsible (no teaching the baby to do things that are going to get him hurt!)
    4) be honest
    5) be smart - think about what you are about to do - how could it hurt you or someone else!

    These cover most of the situations that their devious minds concoct! That way, I don't have to make "new rules."

    Answer by lawmom623 at 12:04 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

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