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How do I know what decision to make?

I just found out I was pregnant on Thursday. I've been with my fiance for three years and we are going through rough times. I've never been a big fan of abortion but in this situation it's the first thought I had. Now, that I've known for almost a week I am over the shock and am starting to get excited about the prospect of being a mother, I've even started thinking about baby names.
But my fiance doesn't seem to share my feelings. He knows he doesn't have a final say on what decision I make but he was very clear about not wanting a baby. Jokingly he has said I tricked him, but it still hurts to hear him say it and his reaction was less than desirable. He finally confessed that he is scared because he doesn't think he'll be a good dad. What should I do? I want a baby but I'm terrified to be a single mother at 25.

Answer Question

Asked by Avery25 at 3:01 PM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (16)
  • wow men are so alike ; me and my boyfriend were together for about 5 months wen i got pregnant ; it wasnt a bad situation or anything ; i mean we had our ups and downs but he wanted NOTHING to do with this child ; he was ALL FOR me getting an abortion ; he threw in the " you trapped me " shit and all that good stuff ; wen i first found out i was pregnant my first thought was to get an abortion ; it was all based out of fear though ; i actually made appts to get the procedure done but couldnt go through with it ; i basically made the apts cause i was listening to everyone else and not my own heart ; SWEETIE ; if u want this baby and in your heart you feel you can do this ; than keep the baby ; this is a life we are talking about ; not some material object ya kno ; do wat u think is best for YOU ; not ur family and especially not a MAN ; follow your heart sweetie ; YOU WILL BE A GREAT MOM.

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 3:08 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Do you have friends around? Parents? A support network? I can relate. My son was an unexpected pregnancy, with a guy I had *just* kicked out for hitting me in the face. I tried to make things work with the Dad, but realized he was still the wrong guy. Later my now husband adopted our son. I've told my husband that our son is the BEST thing that came out of a bad situation. I was a single Mom, I went through my pregnancy alone. Yes, some days when you're hormonal and pregnant - you will cry. Little secret - you will do that WITH someone too. Heheh. Hormones! Having a child will show you that you're stronger then you give yourself credit for. I can't imagine not having my son. I can't speak for you, just telling you my experience and that I don't regret my choices! Good luck to you.

    Answer by Serafyna at 3:09 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • trust me you can do it i did it alone for over 3yrs at 22 now 27 my daughter is now 5 and is awsome

    Answer by greeniemommy at 3:18 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • yeh u can def do it alone ; my mom raised three kids ; while going to nursing school ; she graduated and got an awesome job and than was later diagnosed with breast cancer ; she worked 12 hour shifts; took care of me ; my brother and sister ; and did her daily normal life things while doing chemo treatments and radiation ; not to mention hospital stays and pain and discomfort ; she lost her battle to breast cancer in nov. of 2007 ; but if she can achieve so much as a single mom with three kids....u can too.

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 3:21 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Your fiance' is acting like most first time fathers do. My husband, boyfriend at the time, was terrified. But after a while he got use to the idea. Once we went for the ultrasound it was real to him and he began showing signs of wanting to be a dad. Once I had the baby he took right to him and hasn't let go since. He loves being a dad and even talks about having one more. Give him time. A baby is great, hard, but great. In our situation, it helped bring us back together. It gave us something to work at as a couple. Sometimes the opposite happens, but abortion shouldn' t be an option. If you decide that you don't want a child give it up for adoption. The child didn't do anything wrong, so why punish it?

    Answer by sidzwif at 3:22 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I also wanted to add quickly, that I am in the middle of applying to graduate school and trying to move to New York. I don't think I will have to give it up if I have the baby but I understand that I might need to find a less demanding program.
    Also I am terrified to tell my mother... how should I go about addressing that and should I tell her before I make a decision or after?

    Answer by Avery25 at 3:27 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Don't kill the baby, it's something you will regret the rest of your life. God knew your situation and STILL you got pregnant. He has a plan for your life and this child's. The father of the baby may even come around, like he said, he is just scared. If he doesn't come around, then be a single Mommie! There is no other love like the one between and Mother and her children. As a mother that lost a baby, stillborn, I have come to realize that children are a blessing no matter of the time etc. So please consider your options and don't jump into an abortion..... Hold off, as soon as you feel those first flutters, you will be so amazed. Your growing a human, not everyone can do that!

    Answer by AshJoe05 at 3:44 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Oh, make a decision and THEN tell your Mother. She should not play a part in this, it is your choice and yours alone. The baby is inside YOUR womb!

    Answer by AshJoe05 at 3:45 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • There might be one more decision that you haven't considered? Adoption is a beautiful thing. I have had three friends that haven't been able to have children of their own (one of them tried for 9 yrs to have a baby) and their adopted children are the absolute best things that have ever happened to them! If you decide that you don't want to keep the baby yourself - please consider continuing the pregnancy and putting the baby up for adoption. You wouldn't have the regret of abortion, but instead would have rocked someone's world. Just a thought...

    Also, even in the strongest relationships, having a baby can really put a strain on a relationship. I hope you are able to get support with whatever decision you make from your family and friends. Best of luck to you!

    Answer by Miracle_pg at 4:15 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Girl, you are 25 years old, you have your degree and you are at least engaged. Sounds like you are better off then a lot of women out there. If your fiance leaves you, then oh well. You can take care of yourself and your baby. You both knew that sex could lead to a pregnancy. Being a Mother is the best thing that can and will ever happen to you. Things happen and life is not always planned out perfectly.

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    Answer by Shannon0622 at 4:49 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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