Does throwing my DD a baby shower obligate me to throw my step DD one?

My DD is 23 years old, married to a man to a stable career and she is just about to finish college with her teaching degree. She is also 32 weeks pregnant. I am throwing her a baby shower in 2 weeks. Well my step DD found out and went crying to her dad that I am throwing my DD a shower and not her. She is also pregnant but she is 17 years old and pregnant with her second baby (she had the first one at 15) so I just don't see what there is to celebrate there honestly, I am hoping she gives it up for adoption because she can't even handle the one she had. I know baby showers are also about helping the new mom get everything she needs for her baby but when her first child was born, me and DH bought the nursery set (crib, changing table, rocking chair and the comforter set) and we have bought probably over half of the clothes that child has. The one she is pregnant with is also a girl so apart from diapers, wipes and formula if she chooses not to breast feed, what else does she need? Dh thinks that I should make it a joint baby shower but I just don't think that's fair to my DD. This is her first baby and I don't think she should have to share the spotlight.

SHARE THIS QUESTION:

Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Jan. 18, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.

Answers (25)

"DH thinks" No DH doesn't think. If DH thought then he would tell his daughter that 1) She has already gotten everything she needs 2) She should seriously consider putting her baby up for adoption, 3) your DD's in-laws don't want to sit around with her baby daddy's family at a joint shower.

Answer by LoveMyDog at 11:38 AM on Jan. 24, 2012
Credits: 8367 Level 20 Adult Children (18+) 101

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
She shouldn't have to share the spotlight. Your DD is not an irresponsible teenager who can't keep her legs closed. She shouldn't have her baby shower crashed by a child who wants to have babies.

Answer by BeautyGuru at 1:21 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 6094 Level 18

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
I think your DH needs a slap upside his head. Tell him if he had a backbone, his precious little girl might not be a teenage mom for a second time. Sometimes--it's NOT about "keeping the peace", but just doing what is right. Your DD deserves to be alone in the spot light and his greedy little daughter shouldn't be encouraged.

Answer by layh41407 at 6:23 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 79376 Level 36 Adult Children (18+) 101

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
If she ends up keeping the baby- why not throw a diaper party instead? You said she has everything she needs so this is a way to keep the peace & save some $ on diapers. GL! :)

Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:59 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 163857 Level 43 Adult Children (18+) 101

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
The issue isn't what you would normally do, it is what would keep the peace in the family. We agreed that your daughter shouldn't have to share the spotlight on her day. But since your husband is siding with his daughter, you have to make the choice if throwing your SD her own shower is worth fighting with your dh about. I would not throw the shower until she decided to keep the baby, which she probably will, but wait and make sure. Tell your dh that you are not willing to throw a joint shower, but that you will throw your SD one later after she decided to keep the baby or not.

Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:33 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 172122 Level 44 Adult Children (18+) 101

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
No need to throw a shower for any baby but the first. But why not host a "meet and greet" for your new grandbaby? Simple drinks and finger foods, nothing fancy...

Answer by GoodyBrook at 2:36 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 20065 Level 24

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
A joint shower is a bad idea IMO. Especially when some people are trying to encourage the 17 year old put her baby up for adoption. You shouldn't get mixed up in that and a shower shows support that is opposite her mom's opinion. Wait until the adoption issue is decided and have a small family celebration if and when she keeps the baby.

Answer by whitepeppers at 6:20 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 13130 Level 22

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
Every baby is a celebration and just because you dont agree with your step daughters choice does not mean you have to be mean about it either. Where is her mom? Maybe you should tell dh to get a hold of her mom and see if they cant split the cost of a shower for his daughter? Obviously you dont want to throw one, and if you dont want to at this point she knows and might not have so much fun if you threw one. I would have her father and mom do it.

Answer by gemgem at 6:51 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 148574 Level 42 Adult Children (18+) Minor

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
I'm sort of our of the loop on this one because when I was having my kids it was considered inappropriate for a family member to host a shower.

That said, I don't think you need to host a combined shower for the both of them. I'd go ahead and have your DD's and then if your SD decides she is going to keep her baby you could host a smaller affair for her.

Answer by Brawnwyn at 8:58 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 75443 Level 35 Adult Children (18+) 101

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!
I don't think the mom-to-be-again should push to have or throw a shower. I can see if someone else wanted to but I think its one shower a person. How many highchairs do you need? She seems to be thinking of herself too much. You should also tell dad to speak to her about BC. I'd go with an IUD.

Answer by Farrahann at 6:51 AM on Jan. 18, 2012
Credits: 13169 Level 22

Found an answer to your question?
Like us on Facebook!