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10yr old doesn't fit in

my 10yr old ds feels like he doesn't fit in. who does at that age, but he is so upset about it and i want to help him feel better about school and himself! i don't know how much of this is the start of hormones, how much is his adhd, or if there's the possibility of depression, it runs in my family (and started around puberty for all of us). he is just so tore up about this, he is nearly in tears every day. he gets teased alot, but again, who doesn't at that age! i want nothing more than to go to school with him and make the bullies back off and leave him alone. i know i can't do that and even if i could it wouldn't be good for him, but i want SOOO badly to protect my baby from the big bad world out there!!!
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bi-polarmommy

Asked by bi-polarmommy at 6:59 PM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 6 (132 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • cont...
    how can i help his self-esteem? how do i get him to feel better about himself, and realize that it doesn't matter what others think? he is my oldest, so i know nothing about helping them through puberty! what do i do?!
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 6:59 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Talk to the guidance counselor at school about the bullying, self esteem issues and trouble with fitting in. I would also talk to the principal and teachers about it with names, dates, situations. It's reasonable to have him checked out by the guidance counselor specifically for depression and a psychologist if it's recommended. Your family doctor also could do a physical to rule out any physical problems. Spend times with him doing what he likes to do, get him involved in something he can enjoy. Boyscouts has been a great place for my neighbor. He is a preteen with Asperger's. The leaders and boys in that organization are more likely to be friendly and patient. See if you can talk to a leader in the area who would be willing to help. Your son needs to find his niche and that will give him confidence. It can be an activity, a hobby whatever he is good at and enjoys. Work hard to find that.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 7:06 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • he's in boyscouts, he already has a therapist for his adhd, and we have talked to her about the possibility of depression, and she knows family history. we haven't found a niche for him yet, but we keep trying! i just feel so bad for him! and i am running out of things to try with him!
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 9:35 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • THIS CAN BE A TOUGH AGE I WORK WITH 9 AND 10 YEAR OLDS AND THE ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO TESS ONE ANOTHER. IT IS AN ALL DAY BATTLE. WE GIVE OUR KIDS MARKS FOR CALLING EACH OTHER NAMES. WHICH IN TURN PREVENTS THEM FROM ATTENDING FRIDAY MOVIES AND THINGS. WE GIVE BEE BUCKS TO THE KIDS DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. WE ALSO HAVE A RESPECT CHART THAT THE KIDS CAUGHT BEING RESPECTFUL GET THEIR NAMES ON TO DO OTHER THINGS LIKE BREAKFAST FROM MC DONALDS AND ICECREAM PARTIES. IT IS A BATTLE THAT THE TEACHER, THERAPIST, COUNSELOR, AND PARENTS ALL HAVE TO BE ON BOARD AND A PART OF THINGS IN ORDER TO HELP THE CHILDREN FUNCTION PROPERLY. I ALSO HAVE MEETINGS WITH THE STUDENTS THAT ARE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH ONEANOTHER, IN ORDER TO TEACH THEM SKILLS TO DEAL WITH ISSUIES BETWEEN ONEANOTHER. I HOPE THAT SOME OF THESE IDEAS WILL HELP IN YOUR CHILDS LIFE.
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 9:48 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • It took nearly a year to adjust my son's behavior. One day he just started fighting with one of his best friends. I was told by teachers that a couple of other boys were picking on him. He decided he wasn't going to be bulied and fought back. One boy was older and is now transfered to another school. The fighting on his part has stopped. Also,I decided to take him off the ''nightmare' school bus and walk him. We live close by. WIth that change and by being on the same page, finally, with teachers his behavior has greatly improved. As for friends, he's got them in school. But I've given out my number to parents and everyone is too busy to get together. Making friends is important but not easy.
    Hang in there and keep the Constant communication going with the teachers and doctors. I bugged the school to the point where they finally had to listen to me or I was going to practically become part of the furniture at the school.
    saltycoqui

    Answer by saltycoqui at 9:25 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • he has a mild respect issue (for women) and that has always been there, so that's nothing new, just baffling caus we dont modle that behaviour, but that is also at home mostly, i haven't heard his teachers complain about it (they're all females), his behaviour is nothing more than you'd expect from someone with adhd and trying to find the right meds for him now, he is very shy, and i know he has a few friends, but not much. he is immature for his age, so that doesn't help the bulling any, we do talk constantly, and he knows he can come to me or dad or uncle (who lives with us) for anything and he will come to at least one of us to talk.
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 12:09 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • i've tried boyscouts (which he is in now), letting him work with daddy (who is a computer tech) and he knows more about computers than the other fifth graders, but that doesn't help. a lot of kids here have the pokemom trading cards, and he got a whole deck for christmas, and that hasn't helpped much yet, with his therapy, he goes on group outings with other boys with adhd, and that hasn't helpped, this year the school moved the fifth grade to the junior high and that REALLY hasn't helpped anything (there is only one school here in town and the three parts elem, junior high, and high are sepperated by a wall, nothing more)
    please, if you have any other suggestions, i'm all ears!
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 12:14 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

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