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situation number 1 no bashing please

For a little background my grandma (I called her mom) raised me since I was
2 months old because neither of my parents could become less self involved to raise
a child that they created. Anyways every year my birthday and Christmas
would come and my mom would but extra things for me and put them from my
dad so that I would think that I got something from him. Anyways here I am now
26 years old and my father 45 a age that you would think is grown up right? Not for
my dad. My dad is a OTR Truck Driver and swears he never has money. My son's
1st birthday came and wentand so did Christmas and not a single gift or even a card from my dad to him. He said he has no money ok fine I understand that, I won't
get too upset about it. Well everytime he is in town he always wants to meet up and of course hubby and I get the joy of footing the bill everytime, what makes me mad is he never has any money (to be cont)

 
JAJA_Steele

Asked by JAJA_Steele at 9:18 PM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,078 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I think I would be busy next time he came to town. And if he wants to go eat I would tell him "We're so broke, we can't go". Really, I think you'd be better off excluding him from your children's lives right now. Even at 45 he still has a lot of growing up to do.

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:15 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • ,yet he just financed a truck through Swift trucking
    so he could go owner/op, he is planning another cruise for himself and his girlfriend
    who of which he just proposed to. He showed me pictures from Christmas where he bought
    her daughter and 2 grand kids things and still here I sit my son and daughter
    nothing from him. I asked him how he did all of this if he never has money and what about
    the 2 grandkids that are part of his blood, his response go get something and I will
    pay you back later (I will NEVER see a dime of it as we have tried this before) I am
    upset and do not know what to do, it's not about my kids getting anything but I feel
    like I am taken advatage of everytime he comes to town and has us pay for everything, yet
    he has the money to do all of these other things.
    JAJA_Steele

    Answer by JAJA_Steele at 9:19 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Also am I wrong for not wanting to
    smooth things over like my mom did - I refuse to buy my kids gifts and lead them
    to believe they came from him when in fact I know they didn't, Any help please??
    JAJA_Steele

    Answer by JAJA_Steele at 9:19 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I UNDERSTAND MY MOTHER INLAW DOES THE VERY SAME THING. NEVER ANYTHING FOR CHRISTMAS OR BIRTHDAYS BUT SHE CAN BYE AVON BY THE HUNDREDS AND ALL. THAT IS MESSED UP. YOU SON WILL GET OLDER AND SEE FOR HIMSELF . JUST LIKE MY KIDS DID.
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 9:21 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • true I just refuse to let both of my kids get mislead like I was, I don't want to hide it from them
    JAJA_Steele

    Answer by JAJA_Steele at 9:26 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • You know hun, you can't fix everybody, nor change them, and as much as it may hurt you have to know when to walk away and not come back... your dad is using and abusing how nice you are and your financial well being, and he's showing favoritism. Make your decision, but I think you know deep down that it's either accept his inappropriate faults, or step away... I don't think you're stupid, ignorant, crazy or otherwise, just scared of stepping away or saying "no more", that's normal, but you do what you have to do to keep your family (spouse + kids) going.

    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 10:03 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • I agree with PP. Your father has made his decision and you can't change who he is. Now you need to make the decision of what is best for you and your children. Do you want to raise them around someone that mooches off of others. Kids learm by example. You don't want them to grow up to be moochers... but you don't want them to learn to be a doormat also.
    gwood

    Answer by gwood at 10:11 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Are you sure you're not my niece... this sounds so much like my brother! I can only tell you what I told my nephew (who was raised as my brother because my parents took him when he was 1.5). The sooner you accept that you have and will have this selfish person as your parent, the sooner you begin learning how to cope with it and the sooner you'll stop trying expecting him make you feel like you're loved as his daughter. Two things are possible, if not likely, here; either he is truly a selfish person and cares nothing about anyone except himself (or at least not as much about anyone as he does himself), or he just truthfully doesn't know how to show love... Don't own responsibility for how he acts and treats you.... it's not yours to own. He is as much a dad as he's chosen to be.....
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 10:25 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Cut him off - he obviously doesnt care about his own flesh and blood. Although material things really dont matter, but to buy for his gf's kids and to then claim poor when it comes to his own grandchildren is harsh. JMO - I would tell him to go take a flying leap.
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 10:27 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

  • Don't go out to dinner next time. If you want to see him next time he's in town just fix dinner as usual and set another plate. If food runs out before he gets there or gets cold then he goes without. He is showing where his priorities are. I wouldn't do anything special for him. Shame on him. He's not a very nice man.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:53 PM on Jan. 14, 2009